又來雞婆一下
姐姐妹妹做生涯規劃當然好囉!
可是計畫趕不上變化 總會有意外的驚奇到來說
比方本來想說25歲前要去旅遊 卻發現前都拿去環助學貸款 還要幫忙養家之類的
25~35 本來要組織家庭 哪知尋尋覓覓 那個他總沒在自己預定的時間出現...
或著倒過來本來順利結婚後考上研究所要進修 就在那時懷孕 還是雙胞胎 只好中斷進修計畫之類的啦!
或著和樂的家庭因為丈夫意外身亡 留下寡婦獨立撫養3個小孩....破懷原先的儲蓄計畫...
這些都是我身邊朋友親身的例子喔!
我是認為 只要了解自己 和知道生命的目標和神對我的期待 還是可以開心的迎接這些計畫外的驚奇啦!
上述是我回應朋友轉寄的這雙手雖然小:
http://wongleona.blogspot.com/
2007年12月12日 星期三
愛有界限
孩子對人體貼和愛人真的很重要
可是呢 我覺得愛是要有界限的喔
其實呢我看見很多那種不會規畫自己生活的老人 老巴望子女可以陪在自己身邊
可是子女大了有自己的工作 交友 家庭 要顧 是無法隨侍在側的
那個屬名孤姥的寂寞媽媽自己要負責任 因為她不會規畫自己的社交生活 結交知心朋友 讓自己的生活多采多姿
更糟的事 有些父母孩子都20歲 30歲了 還把他們當成兒童或青少年 處處控制黏著不放 還每其名為愛
聖經上說孩子是耶和華的產業 所以我們固然是要細心照料 盡力栽培 但孩子可不是我們的財產 只用來滿足自己的情感需求喔!
我也看過有些孩子長成像我這樣的三十出頭年紀還很不成熟
情感上甚至是生活起居 處處依賴父母 甚至到了結婚 出了什麼事 無法和配偶自行商量獨立解決 還要回頭找父母
孩子也美其名為這是對父母的愛 其實是臍帶沒剪斷
哈哈 這是我個人觀點啦!
我這輩的大家兄弟姐妹少 頂多兩三個 很多人到30歲還一付後青春期的樣子 ....
可是呢 我覺得愛是要有界限的喔
其實呢我看見很多那種不會規畫自己生活的老人 老巴望子女可以陪在自己身邊
可是子女大了有自己的工作 交友 家庭 要顧 是無法隨侍在側的
那個屬名孤姥的寂寞媽媽自己要負責任 因為她不會規畫自己的社交生活 結交知心朋友 讓自己的生活多采多姿
更糟的事 有些父母孩子都20歲 30歲了 還把他們當成兒童或青少年 處處控制黏著不放 還每其名為愛
聖經上說孩子是耶和華的產業 所以我們固然是要細心照料 盡力栽培 但孩子可不是我們的財產 只用來滿足自己的情感需求喔!
我也看過有些孩子長成像我這樣的三十出頭年紀還很不成熟
情感上甚至是生活起居 處處依賴父母 甚至到了結婚 出了什麼事 無法和配偶自行商量獨立解決 還要回頭找父母
孩子也美其名為這是對父母的愛 其實是臍帶沒剪斷
哈哈 這是我個人觀點啦!
我這輩的大家兄弟姐妹少 頂多兩三個 很多人到30歲還一付後青春期的樣子 ....
2007年11月27日 星期二
2007年11月13日 星期二
Reflections onTraveling the Road to Marriage
是最近讀到的一篇好文章
出處:http://marriageandfamilies.byu.edu/issues/2003/January/reflections.htm
Marriage is popular in the United States. Over 90 percent of those in this country will marry at some time in their life, even a higher percentage in some of the subgroups my colleagues and I have studied over many years. This is common knowledge. In this examination of the process of traveling the road to marriage, my hope is that you may evaluate your own experiences and your own expectations about marriage and the road to marriage, wherever you might be on that road.
Marriage is risky, though. Many couples divorce, and, depending on the group being studied, the divorce rate is 35-45 percent. Even so, most who divorce remarry, and do so within two or three years.
The results of marriage are positive for both spouses, including benefits in both mental and physical health. There is also evidence indicating that in cities with a high marriage rate, there is significantly lower crime rate and less welfare dependency.
What is marriage?
We might ask, what is marriage? And we all have our own ideas. To some degree, it’s a personal commitment where people trust each other, enjoy one another’s company, and plan to be together for some time in that relationship. Marriage is certainly a personal bond that grows over time as a couple’s relationship changes and grows. It’s a sacred promise; in fact, for most people it is a religious ceremony performed in front of God, man, and witnesses. And many people take that to be a very serious part of their marriage relationship. Certainly, it is a financial partnership. It is a sexual union; and for those who believe in chastity before marriage and monogamy and fidelity after marriage, it is the chief sexual outlet for couples. It’s a family-making bond, not only in a legal sense, but in a psychological sense, and so a family is created with a marriage. And certainly a marriage is a legal contract where there are responsibilities as well as rights and privileges.
But beyond understanding the definitions of marriage, what do you know about your road to marriage? Is it a straight road, as my family would say, the kind of Wyoming road I love where you can look out and count antelope most anywhere you might be driving along that road? Or is it a beautiful springtime pastoral road that winds through the countryside? And how is the ride, how was the ride, and how will the ride be?
A few years ago, my family and I were up in West Yellowstone, Montana, a city with lots of campers, and I happened to notice a camper with the sign on the back, “Just Married.” As I went up closer, I saw another sign in smaller lettering that said,
They donned their best duds
and hoped for no hail.
They’ll say their “I do’s”’
and they’re hitting the trail.
It took him some time,
though she never varied.
Having courted a decade,
they’re finally just married.
As I kneeled down to take a picture of this sign, I saw the personalized license plate, “2 WLD 4 U,” and I wondered if this was his camper or hers? Did they change the license plate after the wedding took place? But the back of their camper gave some interesting insights into the road they were on.
Our Marital Script
or Roadmap
Growing up, each one of us develops a script or ideas about who we are, which includes expectations about our lives and what marriage will be like. This script becomes the foundation for our marital roadmap, so to speak. During dating and courtship—with however many people you date and how many courtships you’re in—the road to marriage is somewhat visible and our journey is underway. During this time in our lives, a joint script, or a couple script, is also being written, consciously and unconsciously, as we date and court. This script is really the defining of our expectations, hopes, plans, and dreams for our marriage. The script is refined as we have real-life experiences during dating and courtship. By the time of the wedding ceremony, almost all of the dimensions of marriage are present in the relationship. Much of our joint marital script is in place and has been written, rehearsed, and rewritten time and time again. Our scripts are in fact the maps as we travel the road to marriage.
Our drive along the road to marriage begins with a couple’s first meeting and first impressions. It’s interesting to ask couples about that, and very often they don’t even recall when they first met, let alone what their first impressions were. There are those who travel long distances before there is a mutual interest, and then, as the saying goes, there are those who “just know” this is the person they are going to marry. Here is one example:
He was the head counselor at the boys’ camp, and I was the head counselor at the girls’ camp, and they had a social one night, and he walked across the room. I thought he was coming to talk to my friend, Maxine, because people will always cross the room to talk to Maxine. He was coming to talk to me, and he said, “I’m Ben Small of the Coney Island Smalls.” At that moment I knew. I knew the way you know about a good melon.
Another part of the drive includes others’ impressions, as friends and family respond to who you are and how you are with this person. One of the things you can count on in a college culture such as BYU is that, after a date, there will be a real processing of this guy by her roommates, and the reactions of others become part of our script.
The relationship continues and becomes exclusive, as well as inclusive as a couple does things with other people. Steady dating emerges, and personal bonding develops. At the same time, the couple is developing trust, the ability to confide in one another, and the confidence to share secrets and expectations. Then there is the formal engagement, which is a wonderful time, and the planning of the wedding. There are those who, once they’re engaged, want to hurry up and get to the wedding. On the other hand, we find that many couples who, after the wedding, say they wish that they had had a longer engagement to really get to know one another and benefit from that experience. And the drive goes on.
Once the wedding day has come and gone, the road of marriage can be smooth or bumpy just as it was before the wedding It may have potholes and ruts, as personality issues come up. There will be compatibilities and incompatibilities, similarities and differences, some of which matter and some of which don’t matter at all. Communication, of course, is usually pretty good for most couples before they marry, or they wouldn’t have become engaged in the first place. Hopefully, married couples will talk to each other as they experience differences and will learn to deal with those. And conflicts arise not only over negative things, but over positive things as well. It may be an invitation to a relative’s house for Sunday dinner. Or what to do over the holidays, or which leisure activities to engage in, individually or as a couple. Planning how two people can really live as cheaply as one is something most couples talk about while they’re engaged, but most don’t discover until after the wedding that you can’t live on love alone.
Understanding and handling affection, being affectionate, and considering how affection was handled and displayed in families of origin are also issues people work on as they’re on the road to marriage. Couples learn that they haven’t just married an individual, they have married into an entire family; and they form relationships with parents and with siblings, with whom they likely will interact more in years to come.
Fun and humor are bonding aspects of the relationship that are introduced early. Usually the couple has had some fun together before their wedding, but now must develop their sense of humor within their marriage. In many marriages, religious issues, including fundamental beliefs, practices, and forms of worship, have an effect on molding behaviors.
Couples must also clarify roles and expectations as they write their joint marital script. As a matter of fact, clarifying role expectations is a lifelong task. Numerous studies point out the advantage of flexibility or adaptability—not being wishy-washy by any means, but being able to roll with the punches and changing our patterns when the terrain changes. Marriages need good shock absorbers, the same as good cars.
Psychological Marriage
Ask an engaged couple “When are you getting married?” and they will give you a calendar date of the upcoming wedding. Ask a married couple, “When were you married?” and they (unless memory fails) will tell you something like June 14th or December 21st. Isn’t it interesting that in our everyday language we consider the wedding date to be the beginning of our marriage? What we mean to say when we asked “When were you married?” is “When was your wedding?”
The wedding is the legal ceremony that celebrates and sanctions the marriage. The wedding is an event. The marriage license is evidence of this event. However, marriage is not an event. Marriage is a wonderfully complex, multidimensional process. Marriage is a relationship that is formed and functions in multiple dimensions and on many levels over time.
To say then that marriage begins with the wedding is inaccurate. It is more helpful to view the marriage as having begun before the wedding. The wedding announces that which has already begun on a more private and subtle plane during dating, courtship, and engagement. And so psychological marriage, if you will, precedes legal marriage—that is, the wedding—and continues long after the wedding, with an obviously wide range of successes and failures.
For those of you who are married, that is those who have had a wedding, it can be a fun and useful exercise to ask yourself and your spouse not only when was your wedding, but also how has your marriage developed psychologically? And, what are the dimensions of your marriage now, and what were they during the early years? How has your marriage changed? What was the terrain of the road? How have you handled the journey? Can you modify the marriage vehicle and road map a bit so that things will be even better?
In my work with the Marital Preparation Research Project at BYU, my colleagues and I have observed that there are two primary ways means through which we all seem to learn much of what we know about marriage. The first involves the learning of precepts about marriage. We learn these precepts directly through conversations, classes, life experiences, and the like from parents, church leaders, teachers, life experiences, counselors, and others. The second comes from patterning what we see in the examples of marriage that surround us. This patterning is usually subtle, coming from our conscious and unconscious observations of what to do in marriage, as well as what not to do when we marry. The process of precept guided patterning occurs throughout our premarital, and even marital, years.
Preparation for Marriage
In recent years, many churches, organizations, and government entities have offered an increasing number of premarital counseling services for couples who are approaching their wedding day. The good news is, prevention of marital problems is possible and realistic, and the risk factors for divorce can be reduced. Those preparing to marry or remarry are generally open to strengthening their relationships. National studies are showing that the majority of people, if they had known of premarital counseling and educational programs and resources, would have participated. This is not an assumption that people should participate in premarital counseling or education because they’re skill-deficit; in fact, most people have good skills. But everyone’s skills can be enhanced.
So how else can couples prepare themselves to travel down the road of marriage? While research indicates that there are many different issues couples face in their marriages, one at the top of almost all lists is enhanced communication skills, coupled with problem solving skills. Be clear about and work to clarify expectations. What are the expectations about being a husband or a wife, and what are your expectations about your spouse’s role as a wife or husband?
Our research has shown that counselors have identified the top five most frequent problems facing first marriages as being 1-unrealistic expectations of marriage or spouse; 2-communication; 3-money management and finances; 4- decision making; 5-power struggles. Notice that four of these most frequent problems can be reduced or overcome by skill enhancement. The other problem, that of unrealistic expectations, can be overcome by knowing each other well and clarifying expectations before the wedding. That is to say, through clarification and the application of good communication skills.
So, develop means of handling finances, and discuss finances before and after the wedding. Deal with frustrations as they arise rather than burying them or having them build up and become resentments that can serve as a wedge in the relationship. Realize that you marry a family, not just an individual. In fact, as far as family members go, you will likely have more interaction over the years with brothers and sisters-in-law, than with your spouse’s parents.
Develop a shared spiritual core for your relationship. In the field of marriage and family therapy nationally, we’re finding that while spirituality used to be something that wasn’t talked about by counselors, now the climate is such that many counselors encourage couples to discuss spirituality, religious values and behaviors. Obtain information about sexuality before the wedding. Talk about your expectations in regard to the children that you may have. If you perceive more severe problems, seek professional counseling before the wedding.
Some states have legislated incentives for premarital education and counseling. For example, a reduction in the marriage license fee if the couple participated in premarital education or counseling. A number of years ago, a law was introduced in the Utah state legislature to implement some form of premarital education program throughout the state. During the debates that followed, a political cartoon appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune that distills some of the issues that swirl around this topic. (The bill ultimately failed to pass in the state senate.)
The debate over whether governments or churches should require such courses and programs will continue, but in the meantime, there are excellent marriage preparation resources available for those who would seek them. Often colleges and universities offer courses on preparing for marriage. There are many excellent books and articles. Browse through your library or bookstore. A new website that has excellent links to other websites dealing with marriage and preparation for marriages is www.foreverfamilies.net. There are premarital groups offered by professional counselors, which are not therapy groups but are educational groups. The online premarital site, RELATE, which stands for Relationship Evaluation, provides a 271-item inventory that couples can take online. They then receive a 19-page report that is designed to be self-interpretive (visit www.relate.byu.edu; there is a $10 fee).
More and more there are opportunities for those who value marriage to be involved in various ways. Almost 200 communities across the country have established community marriage policies advocating and providing premarital education as a means of increasing the mental and physical health for their citizens.
Mentor couples are involved, meeting with premarital and newlywed couples in discussions about marriage. Another website that can give you an idea of the many ways people can prepare for and enhance marriage is www.smartmarriages.com.
Now each couple, or each of you individually, has your story about the road to marriage or your hope for driving along that road. Get the best vehicle you can, with the accessories that you feel are important. Then read the map and enjoy the journey!
Robert F. Stahmann, Ph.D., is a professor and chair of the Marriage and Family Therapy Graduate Programs in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University. This article is adapted from the 38th annual Virginia F. Cutler Lecture, delivered at BYU on November 7, 2002. His ongoing research at BYU—the Marital Preparation Research Project—focuses on studying and implementing marriage preparation programs in church, community, and mental health settings.
出處:http://marriageandfamilies.byu.edu/issues/2003/January/reflections.htm
Marriage is popular in the United States. Over 90 percent of those in this country will marry at some time in their life, even a higher percentage in some of the subgroups my colleagues and I have studied over many years. This is common knowledge. In this examination of the process of traveling the road to marriage, my hope is that you may evaluate your own experiences and your own expectations about marriage and the road to marriage, wherever you might be on that road.
Marriage is risky, though. Many couples divorce, and, depending on the group being studied, the divorce rate is 35-45 percent. Even so, most who divorce remarry, and do so within two or three years.
The results of marriage are positive for both spouses, including benefits in both mental and physical health. There is also evidence indicating that in cities with a high marriage rate, there is significantly lower crime rate and less welfare dependency.
What is marriage?
We might ask, what is marriage? And we all have our own ideas. To some degree, it’s a personal commitment where people trust each other, enjoy one another’s company, and plan to be together for some time in that relationship. Marriage is certainly a personal bond that grows over time as a couple’s relationship changes and grows. It’s a sacred promise; in fact, for most people it is a religious ceremony performed in front of God, man, and witnesses. And many people take that to be a very serious part of their marriage relationship. Certainly, it is a financial partnership. It is a sexual union; and for those who believe in chastity before marriage and monogamy and fidelity after marriage, it is the chief sexual outlet for couples. It’s a family-making bond, not only in a legal sense, but in a psychological sense, and so a family is created with a marriage. And certainly a marriage is a legal contract where there are responsibilities as well as rights and privileges.
But beyond understanding the definitions of marriage, what do you know about your road to marriage? Is it a straight road, as my family would say, the kind of Wyoming road I love where you can look out and count antelope most anywhere you might be driving along that road? Or is it a beautiful springtime pastoral road that winds through the countryside? And how is the ride, how was the ride, and how will the ride be?
A few years ago, my family and I were up in West Yellowstone, Montana, a city with lots of campers, and I happened to notice a camper with the sign on the back, “Just Married.” As I went up closer, I saw another sign in smaller lettering that said,
They donned their best duds
and hoped for no hail.
They’ll say their “I do’s”’
and they’re hitting the trail.
It took him some time,
though she never varied.
Having courted a decade,
they’re finally just married.
As I kneeled down to take a picture of this sign, I saw the personalized license plate, “2 WLD 4 U,” and I wondered if this was his camper or hers? Did they change the license plate after the wedding took place? But the back of their camper gave some interesting insights into the road they were on.
Our Marital Script
or Roadmap
Growing up, each one of us develops a script or ideas about who we are, which includes expectations about our lives and what marriage will be like. This script becomes the foundation for our marital roadmap, so to speak. During dating and courtship—with however many people you date and how many courtships you’re in—the road to marriage is somewhat visible and our journey is underway. During this time in our lives, a joint script, or a couple script, is also being written, consciously and unconsciously, as we date and court. This script is really the defining of our expectations, hopes, plans, and dreams for our marriage. The script is refined as we have real-life experiences during dating and courtship. By the time of the wedding ceremony, almost all of the dimensions of marriage are present in the relationship. Much of our joint marital script is in place and has been written, rehearsed, and rewritten time and time again. Our scripts are in fact the maps as we travel the road to marriage.
Our drive along the road to marriage begins with a couple’s first meeting and first impressions. It’s interesting to ask couples about that, and very often they don’t even recall when they first met, let alone what their first impressions were. There are those who travel long distances before there is a mutual interest, and then, as the saying goes, there are those who “just know” this is the person they are going to marry. Here is one example:
He was the head counselor at the boys’ camp, and I was the head counselor at the girls’ camp, and they had a social one night, and he walked across the room. I thought he was coming to talk to my friend, Maxine, because people will always cross the room to talk to Maxine. He was coming to talk to me, and he said, “I’m Ben Small of the Coney Island Smalls.” At that moment I knew. I knew the way you know about a good melon.
Another part of the drive includes others’ impressions, as friends and family respond to who you are and how you are with this person. One of the things you can count on in a college culture such as BYU is that, after a date, there will be a real processing of this guy by her roommates, and the reactions of others become part of our script.
The relationship continues and becomes exclusive, as well as inclusive as a couple does things with other people. Steady dating emerges, and personal bonding develops. At the same time, the couple is developing trust, the ability to confide in one another, and the confidence to share secrets and expectations. Then there is the formal engagement, which is a wonderful time, and the planning of the wedding. There are those who, once they’re engaged, want to hurry up and get to the wedding. On the other hand, we find that many couples who, after the wedding, say they wish that they had had a longer engagement to really get to know one another and benefit from that experience. And the drive goes on.
Once the wedding day has come and gone, the road of marriage can be smooth or bumpy just as it was before the wedding It may have potholes and ruts, as personality issues come up. There will be compatibilities and incompatibilities, similarities and differences, some of which matter and some of which don’t matter at all. Communication, of course, is usually pretty good for most couples before they marry, or they wouldn’t have become engaged in the first place. Hopefully, married couples will talk to each other as they experience differences and will learn to deal with those. And conflicts arise not only over negative things, but over positive things as well. It may be an invitation to a relative’s house for Sunday dinner. Or what to do over the holidays, or which leisure activities to engage in, individually or as a couple. Planning how two people can really live as cheaply as one is something most couples talk about while they’re engaged, but most don’t discover until after the wedding that you can’t live on love alone.
Understanding and handling affection, being affectionate, and considering how affection was handled and displayed in families of origin are also issues people work on as they’re on the road to marriage. Couples learn that they haven’t just married an individual, they have married into an entire family; and they form relationships with parents and with siblings, with whom they likely will interact more in years to come.
Fun and humor are bonding aspects of the relationship that are introduced early. Usually the couple has had some fun together before their wedding, but now must develop their sense of humor within their marriage. In many marriages, religious issues, including fundamental beliefs, practices, and forms of worship, have an effect on molding behaviors.
Couples must also clarify roles and expectations as they write their joint marital script. As a matter of fact, clarifying role expectations is a lifelong task. Numerous studies point out the advantage of flexibility or adaptability—not being wishy-washy by any means, but being able to roll with the punches and changing our patterns when the terrain changes. Marriages need good shock absorbers, the same as good cars.
Psychological Marriage
Ask an engaged couple “When are you getting married?” and they will give you a calendar date of the upcoming wedding. Ask a married couple, “When were you married?” and they (unless memory fails) will tell you something like June 14th or December 21st. Isn’t it interesting that in our everyday language we consider the wedding date to be the beginning of our marriage? What we mean to say when we asked “When were you married?” is “When was your wedding?”
The wedding is the legal ceremony that celebrates and sanctions the marriage. The wedding is an event. The marriage license is evidence of this event. However, marriage is not an event. Marriage is a wonderfully complex, multidimensional process. Marriage is a relationship that is formed and functions in multiple dimensions and on many levels over time.
To say then that marriage begins with the wedding is inaccurate. It is more helpful to view the marriage as having begun before the wedding. The wedding announces that which has already begun on a more private and subtle plane during dating, courtship, and engagement. And so psychological marriage, if you will, precedes legal marriage—that is, the wedding—and continues long after the wedding, with an obviously wide range of successes and failures.
For those of you who are married, that is those who have had a wedding, it can be a fun and useful exercise to ask yourself and your spouse not only when was your wedding, but also how has your marriage developed psychologically? And, what are the dimensions of your marriage now, and what were they during the early years? How has your marriage changed? What was the terrain of the road? How have you handled the journey? Can you modify the marriage vehicle and road map a bit so that things will be even better?
In my work with the Marital Preparation Research Project at BYU, my colleagues and I have observed that there are two primary ways means through which we all seem to learn much of what we know about marriage. The first involves the learning of precepts about marriage. We learn these precepts directly through conversations, classes, life experiences, and the like from parents, church leaders, teachers, life experiences, counselors, and others. The second comes from patterning what we see in the examples of marriage that surround us. This patterning is usually subtle, coming from our conscious and unconscious observations of what to do in marriage, as well as what not to do when we marry. The process of precept guided patterning occurs throughout our premarital, and even marital, years.
Preparation for Marriage
In recent years, many churches, organizations, and government entities have offered an increasing number of premarital counseling services for couples who are approaching their wedding day. The good news is, prevention of marital problems is possible and realistic, and the risk factors for divorce can be reduced. Those preparing to marry or remarry are generally open to strengthening their relationships. National studies are showing that the majority of people, if they had known of premarital counseling and educational programs and resources, would have participated. This is not an assumption that people should participate in premarital counseling or education because they’re skill-deficit; in fact, most people have good skills. But everyone’s skills can be enhanced.
So how else can couples prepare themselves to travel down the road of marriage? While research indicates that there are many different issues couples face in their marriages, one at the top of almost all lists is enhanced communication skills, coupled with problem solving skills. Be clear about and work to clarify expectations. What are the expectations about being a husband or a wife, and what are your expectations about your spouse’s role as a wife or husband?
Our research has shown that counselors have identified the top five most frequent problems facing first marriages as being 1-unrealistic expectations of marriage or spouse; 2-communication; 3-money management and finances; 4- decision making; 5-power struggles. Notice that four of these most frequent problems can be reduced or overcome by skill enhancement. The other problem, that of unrealistic expectations, can be overcome by knowing each other well and clarifying expectations before the wedding. That is to say, through clarification and the application of good communication skills.
So, develop means of handling finances, and discuss finances before and after the wedding. Deal with frustrations as they arise rather than burying them or having them build up and become resentments that can serve as a wedge in the relationship. Realize that you marry a family, not just an individual. In fact, as far as family members go, you will likely have more interaction over the years with brothers and sisters-in-law, than with your spouse’s parents.
Develop a shared spiritual core for your relationship. In the field of marriage and family therapy nationally, we’re finding that while spirituality used to be something that wasn’t talked about by counselors, now the climate is such that many counselors encourage couples to discuss spirituality, religious values and behaviors. Obtain information about sexuality before the wedding. Talk about your expectations in regard to the children that you may have. If you perceive more severe problems, seek professional counseling before the wedding.
Some states have legislated incentives for premarital education and counseling. For example, a reduction in the marriage license fee if the couple participated in premarital education or counseling. A number of years ago, a law was introduced in the Utah state legislature to implement some form of premarital education program throughout the state. During the debates that followed, a political cartoon appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune that distills some of the issues that swirl around this topic. (The bill ultimately failed to pass in the state senate.)
The debate over whether governments or churches should require such courses and programs will continue, but in the meantime, there are excellent marriage preparation resources available for those who would seek them. Often colleges and universities offer courses on preparing for marriage. There are many excellent books and articles. Browse through your library or bookstore. A new website that has excellent links to other websites dealing with marriage and preparation for marriages is www.foreverfamilies.net. There are premarital groups offered by professional counselors, which are not therapy groups but are educational groups. The online premarital site, RELATE, which stands for Relationship Evaluation, provides a 271-item inventory that couples can take online. They then receive a 19-page report that is designed to be self-interpretive (visit www.relate.byu.edu; there is a $10 fee).
More and more there are opportunities for those who value marriage to be involved in various ways. Almost 200 communities across the country have established community marriage policies advocating and providing premarital education as a means of increasing the mental and physical health for their citizens.
Mentor couples are involved, meeting with premarital and newlywed couples in discussions about marriage. Another website that can give you an idea of the many ways people can prepare for and enhance marriage is www.smartmarriages.com.
Now each couple, or each of you individually, has your story about the road to marriage or your hope for driving along that road. Get the best vehicle you can, with the accessories that you feel are important. Then read the map and enjoy the journey!
Robert F. Stahmann, Ph.D., is a professor and chair of the Marriage and Family Therapy Graduate Programs in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University. This article is adapted from the 38th annual Virginia F. Cutler Lecture, delivered at BYU on November 7, 2002. His ongoing research at BYU—the Marital Preparation Research Project—focuses on studying and implementing marriage preparation programs in church, community, and mental health settings.
推薦餐廳
部門最近要聚餐
這以下是我推薦的餐廳
其實每一家都很想去,但都沒去過
Romano's Macaroni Grill
http://blog.yam.com/vito/article/2556978
營業時間: 星期日至星期四AM11:00至PM10:00，星期五、六至PM11:00
地址: 台北市松壽路22號 (1樓)
電話: 02-27224567
傳真: 02-27232626
網址: www.macaronigrill.com
牛角日式炭火燒肉(世貿店)
地址：北市基隆路二段15號1F(接近信義路口)
電話：(02)2758-1129
http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/jw!dHKxlieBABgYJgzOZvD.AcoI/article?mid=1030&sc=1
http://blog.xuite.net/essaylin/yummy/5400190
馬辣鴛鴦火鍋專賣店(公館店)
電話：02-23657625
地址：台北市中正區汀州路3段86號1樓
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/JCC&article_id=4020755
Lacuz泰式料理
http://www.lacuz.com/webnews/view.php?SN=6
臺北市敦化南路一段236巷29號
訂位專線: 2771-2033 ; 8773-1084
這以下是我推薦的餐廳
其實每一家都很想去,但都沒去過
Romano's Macaroni Grill
http://blog.yam.com/vito/article/2556978
營業時間: 星期日至星期四AM11:00至PM10:00，星期五、六至PM11:00
地址: 台北市松壽路22號 (1樓)
電話: 02-27224567
傳真: 02-27232626
網址: www.macaronigrill.com
牛角日式炭火燒肉(世貿店)
地址：北市基隆路二段15號1F(接近信義路口)
電話：(02)2758-1129
http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/jw!dHKxlieBABgYJgzOZvD.AcoI/article?mid=1030&sc=1
http://blog.xuite.net/essaylin/yummy/5400190
馬辣鴛鴦火鍋專賣店(公館店)
電話：02-23657625
地址：台北市中正區汀州路3段86號1樓
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/JCC&article_id=4020755
Lacuz泰式料理
http://www.lacuz.com/webnews/view.php?SN=6
臺北市敦化南路一段236巷29號
訂位專線: 2771-2033 ; 8773-1084
2007年11月7日 星期三
2007年11月6日 星期二
雜記我的生活近況
幾乎絕大部分的時間都待在台北, 打定主意住到有生根的感覺
偶爾Joanna要見父親 也讓他們約在外面 目前這個關係算是十分友好
我想神是垂聽了我的祈禱 做不成夫妻還能維持親友往來
Joanna是不愛唸書的孩子 所以著重於發展才能 和屬靈的培養
由於在固定的地方聚會 她在教會已經有一些好友 也很喜愛教會活動. 就是聖餐聚會坐不住
我很感謝這些教會活動和幼童軍活動 使她有機會和不同的人互動
台北的教友們互相住得很近(地小人稠故) 甚至常常騎腳踏車就可以去拜訪
我大概會在這裡住到找到能締結聖殿婚姻的永恆伴侶 或者主差遣我到別的地方去時才會搬遷
其實我現在的感覺還很像是摩西帶以色列人在荒野中旅行或者是李海一家人在荒野中
我學著尼腓想要尋求主的指示, 好在荒野中在造一艘船以便航行前往應許地
尼腓和他的家人在荒野8年 船才造好...我不知道我要在荒野中準備多久
我很快樂的準備
離婚帶著兩個男孩子的媽媽應該很堅強. 我在成長團體中看見很多很堅強的母親
我個人來說19歲就結婚 中間只有兩個月的交往 成年後的歲月大半在婚姻中度過
11年半的婚姻我學到一個很大的教訓: 就是我需要把愛神放在生命的首位. 其次才是愛人如己
現在是個難得的機會讓我學習過成人的單身生活. 我和父母, 特別是對母親現在有了清楚的界限.
也開始真正省思並且練習過內心想要過的生活, 練習成為更好的母親. 也做做家譜交到聖殿去
對於永恆婚姻的準備呢 我相信"先求神的國和祂的義" 一切就會加給我們
在日夜禱告中尋求指引. 感覺上幫助女兒培養靈性. 建立良好的親子關係是準備永恆家庭的重要一環
其他方面. 我上完了永恆婚姻準備班. 讀了幾本有關婚姻和兩性家庭關係的書. 這方面的閱讀繼續中
請支聯會會長團的蔡會長為我做了個聖職祝福. 也請教了幾個婚姻不錯的年長姊妹和弟兄.
也列出了我想要的弟兄的那種品格特質: 像是愛神, 正直, 仁慈, 溫和, 善良等等.
我自己也正在致力培養這些特質.
有時候會和我們支會的單成去我們附近的廖家庭開家人家庭晚會 偶爾Joanna也一起去
和一個現在還在BYU唸書的返鄉傳教士維持偶爾的書信聯絡, 這人剛好有我所喜歡的那些品格特質.
雖說永恆的婚姻和家庭是我極其重要的目標和夢想
現在還沒有準備好參加單成大會這種大型活動,
也沒有開始正式的約會或接受姊妹好心的介紹,
想說現在的日子反正很快樂. 日用所需的一切主都已經慷慨提供
我是想說先把自己和Joanna的生活穩固的建立在耶穌基督的福音上面
培養良好的傳統和正義的模式, 然後等到一個對的人出現了, 一切就會水到渠成.
有或沒有我都會順服神的誡命和標準
至於現狀我感到頗為滿足
拉拉雜雜寫了一堆
偶爾Joanna要見父親 也讓他們約在外面 目前這個關係算是十分友好
我想神是垂聽了我的祈禱 做不成夫妻還能維持親友往來
Joanna是不愛唸書的孩子 所以著重於發展才能 和屬靈的培養
由於在固定的地方聚會 她在教會已經有一些好友 也很喜愛教會活動. 就是聖餐聚會坐不住
我很感謝這些教會活動和幼童軍活動 使她有機會和不同的人互動
台北的教友們互相住得很近(地小人稠故) 甚至常常騎腳踏車就可以去拜訪
我大概會在這裡住到找到能締結聖殿婚姻的永恆伴侶 或者主差遣我到別的地方去時才會搬遷
其實我現在的感覺還很像是摩西帶以色列人在荒野中旅行或者是李海一家人在荒野中
我學著尼腓想要尋求主的指示, 好在荒野中在造一艘船以便航行前往應許地
尼腓和他的家人在荒野8年 船才造好...我不知道我要在荒野中準備多久
我很快樂的準備
離婚帶著兩個男孩子的媽媽應該很堅強. 我在成長團體中看見很多很堅強的母親
我個人來說19歲就結婚 中間只有兩個月的交往 成年後的歲月大半在婚姻中度過
11年半的婚姻我學到一個很大的教訓: 就是我需要把愛神放在生命的首位. 其次才是愛人如己
現在是個難得的機會讓我學習過成人的單身生活. 我和父母, 特別是對母親現在有了清楚的界限.
也開始真正省思並且練習過內心想要過的生活, 練習成為更好的母親. 也做做家譜交到聖殿去
對於永恆婚姻的準備呢 我相信"先求神的國和祂的義" 一切就會加給我們
在日夜禱告中尋求指引. 感覺上幫助女兒培養靈性. 建立良好的親子關係是準備永恆家庭的重要一環
其他方面. 我上完了永恆婚姻準備班. 讀了幾本有關婚姻和兩性家庭關係的書. 這方面的閱讀繼續中
請支聯會會長團的蔡會長為我做了個聖職祝福. 也請教了幾個婚姻不錯的年長姊妹和弟兄.
也列出了我想要的弟兄的那種品格特質: 像是愛神, 正直, 仁慈, 溫和, 善良等等.
我自己也正在致力培養這些特質.
有時候會和我們支會的單成去我們附近的廖家庭開家人家庭晚會 偶爾Joanna也一起去
和一個現在還在BYU唸書的返鄉傳教士維持偶爾的書信聯絡, 這人剛好有我所喜歡的那些品格特質.
雖說永恆的婚姻和家庭是我極其重要的目標和夢想
現在還沒有準備好參加單成大會這種大型活動,
也沒有開始正式的約會或接受姊妹好心的介紹,
想說現在的日子反正很快樂. 日用所需的一切主都已經慷慨提供
我是想說先把自己和Joanna的生活穩固的建立在耶穌基督的福音上面
培養良好的傳統和正義的模式, 然後等到一個對的人出現了, 一切就會水到渠成.
有或沒有我都會順服神的誡命和標準
至於現狀我感到頗為滿足
拉拉雜雜寫了一堆
2007年10月31日 星期三
在苦難中要忍耐 - 10/28聖餐聚會演講
1. 開頭: 貓的報恩 – 母親與17歲小春回憶兒時的對白
現代人生活中的苦難: 現在人生活中有什麼苦難
2. 三重獨身寡居項姐妹的見證:＂有聖靈與我為伴＂
3. 摩爾門經尼腓一書中尼腓所遇到的family abuse, 及尼腓的態度
1 Ne. 7: 16
1 Ne. 18: 11
1 Ne. 18: 17-18
1 Ne. 7: 17, 21
21 And it came to pass that I did frankly forgive them all that they had done, and I did exhort them that they would pray unto the Lord their God for forgiveness. And it came to pass that they did so. And after they had done praying unto the Lord we did again travel on our journey towards the tent of our father.
1 Ne. 18: 3, 21
21 And it came to pass after they had loosed me, behold, I took the compass, and it did work whither I desired it. And it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord; and after I had prayed the winds did cease, and the storm did cease, and there was a great calm.
4. 舊約中的約伯
約伯記 第一章:15~21
約伯家的苦難在伯一：13～19中記載四次，這四次苦難可分為兩大類：一是天災;二是人禍：伯一：14；17記載約伯家遭遇兩次強盜劫財害命。兩次天災與兩次人禍，使約伯家瞬間家破人亡，只剩約伯和妻子存活，可見這苦難的痛苦是無法以言語形容。
“有一天，約伯的兒女正在他們長兄的家裡吃飯喝酒，
有報信的來見約伯，說：牛正耕地，驢在旁邊吃草，
示巴人忽然闖來，把牲畜擄去，並用刀殺了僕人；惟有我一人逃脫，來報信給你。
他還說話的時候，又有人來說：神從天上降下火來，將群羊和僕人都燒滅了；惟有我一人逃脫，來報信給你。~這裡指的可能是閃電造成的火災
他還說話的時候，又有人來說：迦勒底人分作三隊忽然闖來，把駱駝擄去，並用刀殺了僕人；惟有我一人逃脫，來報信給你。 ~人禍
他還說話的時候，又有人來說：你的兒女正在他們長兄的家裡吃飯喝酒，
不料，有狂風從曠野颳來，擊打房屋的四角，房屋倒塌在少年人身上，他們就都死了；惟有我一人逃脫，來報信給你。~這裡指的是風災造成的災害
面對家中的巨變，約伯以「撕裂外袍、剃頭」來表達他的傷痛，雖是連續的苦難臨到身上，約伯仍未失去他對神的信心，讓我們看見約伯雖然失去一切，卻沒有失去他對神的信心，他順服神對他一切的安排。
伯1:21 說：我赤身出於母胎，也必赤身歸回；賞賜的是耶和華，收取的也是耶和華。耶和華的名是應當稱頌的。”
5. 舊約中的路得
路得記 第一章:16~17
她是摩押的女子，卻嫁給以色列 青年，沒料到年輕即守寡。摩押人是亞伯拉罕的姪子羅得的後代(參看創世記 19 章 )。路得此行追隨婆婆回到猶大地，要冒的險可真大！可能她會被人輕視、排斥，可 能她一輩子再也嫁不出去……。但是路得立定心意要這樣做，她似乎婆婆和她所敬 拜的上帝所深深吸引。她從婆婆身上見到上帝奇妙的愛，因此，她來投靠上帝，相信 上帝必眷顧、引領。
“路得說：不要催我回去不跟隨你。你往哪裡去，我也往那裡去；你在哪裡住宿，我也在那裡住宿；你的國就是我的國，你的神就是我的神。
你在哪裡死，我也在那裡死，也葬在那裡。除非死能使你我相離！”
正如波阿斯所祝福的，「願耶和華照你所行的賞賜你。你來投靠耶和華─以色列神的翅膀下，願你滿得他的賞賜。」(得 2:12)路得真的是滿滿得到上帝的賞賜！
6. 使徒保羅
哥林多前書 第四章: 11~13
“直到如今，我們還是又飢又渴，又赤身露體，又挨打，又沒有一定的住處，
並且勞苦，親手做工。被人咒罵，我們就祝福；被人逼迫，我們就忍受；
被人毀謗，我們就善勸。直到如今，人還把我們看作世界上的污穢，萬物中的渣滓。”
哥林多後書 第十一章:23~28
“他們是基督的僕人嗎﹖我更是。我比他們多受勞苦，多下監牢，受鞭打是過重的，冒死是屢次有的。
被猶太人鞭打五次，每次四十減去一下；
被棍打了三次；被石頭打了一次，遇著船壞三次，一晝一夜在深海裡。
又屢次行遠路，遭江河的危險、盜賊的危險，同族的危險、外邦人的危險、城裡的危險、曠野的危險、海中的危險、假弟兄的危險。
受勞碌、受困苦，多次不得睡，又飢又渴，多次不得食，受寒冷，赤身露體。
除了這外面的事，還有為眾教會掛心的事，天天壓在我身上。”
羅馬書 第八章:35~39
“誰能使我們與基督的愛隔絕呢﹖難道是患難嗎﹖是困苦嗎﹖是逼迫嗎﹖是飢餓嗎﹖是赤身露體嗎﹖是危險嗎﹖是刀劍嗎﹖
如經上所記：我們為你的緣故終日被殺；人看我們如將宰的羊。
然而，靠著愛我們的主，在這一切的事上已經得勝有餘了。
因為我深信無論是死，是生，是天使，是掌權的，是有能的，是現在的事，是將來的事，
是高處的，是低處的，是別的受造之物，都不能叫我們與神的愛隔絕；這愛是在我們的主基督耶穌裡的。”
7. 自己的經驗// 畫家梵谷 // 音樂家貝多芬
淺提自己的經驗
荷蘭銀行廣告, Stary night賞析歌詞 ; 此曲為麥克唐林所作 歌詞描述梵谷畫作色彩極為精緻 不僅是音樂與繪畫之結合; 介紹不同時期梵谷作品 如「食薯者」「鳶尾花」「郵差」「自畫像.
對世人來說梵谷的畫作是不朽的禮物 但卻是經歷許多磨難 與人情冷落與瘋狂所粹鍊.
文生‧梵谷 (1853-1890), 是繼倫勃朗 (Rembrandt, 1606-1669) 後被認為是荷蘭最偉大的畫家。他和高更、塞尚並稱為後印象派。他們吸收了印象派的精髓，卻反對印象派純客觀理性的畫法，提倡事物的實質和象徵意念，是現代藝術最重要的先驅。1878年，文生到比利時Borinage礦區任傳道員的工作。礦區人民生活的困苦，大大震撼了文生；礦區的小孩八歲就要到礦洞幫手搬運, 十三歲就得挖掘煤礦， 三十歲左右就會患上肺病，一般活不過四十歲。他們辛勞了一生，也不能換取溫飽。為了和礦民打成一片，文生用煤炭塗黑自己的臉頰，在煤渣堆中撿拾煤屑，送給區內的老弱。又把自己所有的金錢、食物、衣服分派清光，也無法幫助到這麼多的貧民。他甚至為了改善礦區人民的生活，不惜親自到煤礦公司, 為工人爭取合理的工資，及較安全的工作環境，結果不但徒勞無功，且引起教會的不滿。就在這年冬天, 礦洞發生坍塌的悲劇，傷亡慘重。1879年，教會撤除了文生的職務。被撤職後的文生仍然留在礦區，開始對繪畫發生興趣，並認定此為其人生的意義，亦得到弟弟德奧經濟上的支持。
文生27歲時才開始繪畫， 係短短十年間, 繪畫了八佰多幅油畫及同等數目的素描, 卻幾乎從未能覓得買家, 只能長期依賴弟弟德奧 (Theo) 在經濟上和精神上的支持。他的一生，就正如他的印象派同道畢沙蕾所說: 『這人將來一是瘋了, 一就是成為我們當中最出色的。
1888年，文生受塞尚的影響，到法國南部的普羅旺斯省，尋找創作的靈感。他在亞耳定居，並在此繪畫了二佰多幅油畫，當中卻只能買出一幅 (註:紅葡萄園) ，得到一則畫評。在貧困的生活中 ，赤熱的陽光下，不竭的創作令文生變得神經衰弱。無法抑制自己的激動，竟割下自己的左耳。從此，他不但失去高更這個好朋友，還給所有人笑作瘋子。1889年，文生入住 St. Remy 的精神療養院。1890年5月，文生搬到 Auvers-sur-Oise, 靠近弟弟居住，並在短短兩個月內，繪畫了七十多幅油畫。狂熱而不可抑制的創作激情，有如烈火焚燒著他的內心，使他心力交瘁，精神瀕臨崩潰。1890年7月27日早上，文生‧梵谷在麥田中吞槍自殺，延至7月29日傷重不治，享年37歲。
紐約的創作歌手唐麥克林紀念畫家梵谷的作品，stary night也是梵高著名的畫作之一，而這首歌的另一個名字VINCENT，則是梵谷高的名字.
“天上滿繁星 繁花似錦燦爛如火
天上的捲雲 在他眼眸中 是一場紫色風暴
色彩 變著調兒
清晨的禾場 琥珀色的麥子
苦痛在蒼然的臉上刻上的線
被畫家溫柔的手 撫順了”
他的「鳶尾花」還有「向日葵」都是史上拍賣價格最高的作品，以近二千萬美元成交。
貝多芬是在1770年12月16日在波恩的波恩衚衕（Bonngasse）街20號出生的，。最初，貝多芬家庭情況還算如意。約翰的經濟狀況不錯，老路德維希在經濟上也能幫助一下這個家庭[5]。約翰有酗酒的習慣，脾氣暴躁，母親則體弱多病，這是日後作為長子的貝多芬必須挑起家庭重擔的重要原因之一。也正是因此，貝多芬愛母親遠勝於父親。貝多芬可能在5歲時患有中耳炎，但並沒有得到很好的治療，這可能為其日後的耳疾埋下禍根。多芬到維也納的修養地聖城（Heiligenstadt），意圖靠當地礦泉水浴，以治療自己日益嚴重的耳硬化症. 貝多芬寫下過：“我決心掃除一切障礙，我相信命運不會拋棄我，我恐怕需要充分估量自己的力量，我要扼住命運的咽喉。”的壯語，但是在聖城他的情緒則一度陷入低谷，還寫下了一封寄給自己兄弟的信，後世稱之為《聖城遺書》（一譯海利根施塔德遺書）（Heiligenstädter Testament）。信中的語氣悲觀可憐，貝多芬的耳疾導致其出現自殺的念頭，只有他的音樂，和一種模糊的對世人的使命感才讓他免於自己逼自己走上絕路。在1819年他變成全聾，這無疑剝脫了他指揮和演出權。就是日常的溝通，也顯得非常的吃力。貝多芬的d小調第九交響曲完成於1824年，全曲共分4個樂章。在這首交響曲中的最後一個樂章（第四樂章）中，貝多芬首次聯合了合唱團與管弦樂團，為歷來在交響樂上的創舉, 聯合國教科文組織將第九交響曲的原譜定為人類文化遺產。
他說：”我只希望自己能給這個世界一些美好的音樂，然後就像一個老頑童一樣，在各位體面的先生面前了結塵世上的事。”
從所結的果子判斷
D&C 78: 19
19 And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.
來12:5 你們又忘了那勸你們如同勸兒子的話，說：我兒，你不可輕看主的管教，被他責備的時候也不可灰心；
來12:6 因為主所愛的，他必管教，又鞭打凡所收納的兒子。
來12:7 你們所忍受的，是神管教你們，待你們如同待兒子。焉有兒子不被父親管教的呢﹖
來12:10 生身的父都是暫隨己意管教我們；惟有萬靈的父管教我們，是要我們得益處，使我們在他的聖潔上有分。
來12:11 凡管教的事，當時不覺得快樂，反覺得愁苦；後來卻為那經練過的人結出平安的果子，就是義。
啟3:19 凡我所疼愛的，我就責備管教他；所以你要發熱心，也要改。
8. 結論:永生是神所有恩賜中最大的，
Have We Not Reason to Rejoice?
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
"This is a joyful religion, one of hope, strength, and deliverance.
Are we living with apprehension, fear, and worry? Or have we, amidst all of our challenges, not reason to rejoice?
We all go through different life experiences. Some are filled with joy, and others with sorrow and uncertainty.
I remember a time when things didn’t look good for our family when I was a child. It was in the winter of 1944, one of the coldest during World War II. The war front was approaching our town, and my mother had to take us four children, leave all our possessions behind, and join the millions of fleeing refugees in a desperate search for a place to survive. Our father was still in the military, but he and Mother had agreed that if they were ever separated during the war, they would try to reunite at the hometown of my grandparents. With bombing raids during the night and air attacks during the day, it took us many days to reach my grandparents. My memories of those days are of darkness and coldness. My father returned to us unharmed, but our future looked extremely bleak. We were living in the rubble of postwar Germany with a devastating feeling of hopelessness and darkness about our future.
In the middle of this despair, my family learned about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the healing message of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. This message made all the difference; it lifted us above our daily misery. Life was still thorny and the circumstances still horrible, but the gospel brought light, hope, and joy into our lives. The plain and simple truths of the gospel warmed our hearts and enlightened our minds. They helped us look at ourselves and the world around us with different eyes and from an elevated viewpoint.
My dear brothers and sisters, aren’t the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and our membership in His Church great reasons to rejoice?
Wherever you live on this earth and whatever your life’s situation may be, I testify to you that the gospel of Jesus Christ has the divine power to lift you to great heights from what appears at times to be an unbearable burden or weakness. The Lord knows your circumstances and your challenges. He said to Paul and to all of us, “My grace is sufficient for thee.” And like Paul we can answer: “My strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
What Is the Gospel of Jesus Christ?
The gospel of Jesus Christ is good news, glad tidings, and much more. It is my firm belief that all truth and light originating with God is embraced in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
God, our loving Father in Heaven, has said that it is His work and glory “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). It is called the gospel of Jesus Christ because it is the Atonement of Jesus Christ that makes redemption and salvation possible. Through the Atonement all men, women, and children are unconditionally redeemed from physical death, and all will be redeemed from their own sins on the condition of accepting and obeying the gospel of Jesus Christ (see D&C 20:17–25; 76:40–42, 50–53; Moses 6:62).
Therefore, enduring to the end is not just a matter of passively tolerating life’s difficult circumstances or “hanging in there.” Ours is an active religion, helping God’s children along the strait and narrow path to develop their full potential during this life and return to Him one day. Viewed from this perspective, enduring to the end is exalting and glorious, not grim and gloomy. This is a joyful religion, one of hope, strength, and deliverance. “Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:25).
Enduring to the end is a process filling every minute of our life, every hour, every day, from sunrise to sunrise. It is accomplished through personal discipline following the commandments of God.
Enduring to the end implies “patient continuance in well doing” (Romans 2:7), striving to keep the commandments (see 2 Nephi 31:10), and doing the works of righteousness (see D&C 59:23). It requires sacrifice and hard work. To endure to the end, we need to trust our Father in Heaven and make wise choices, including paying our tithes and offerings, honoring our temple covenants, and serving the Lord and one another willingly and faithfully in our Church callings and responsibilities. It means strength of character, selflessness, and humility; it means integrity and honesty to the Lord and our fellowmen.
By doing our best to endure to the end, a beautiful refinement will come into our lives. We will learn to “do good to them that hate [us], and pray for them which despitefully use [us]” (Matthew 5:44).
Jesus Christ Wants You to Succeed
My dear brothers and sisters, there will be days and nights when you feel overwhelmed, when your hearts are heavy and your heads hang down. Then, please remember, Jesus Christ, the Redeemer, is the Head of this Church. It is His gospel. He wants you to succeed. He gave His life for just this purpose. He is the Son of the living God. "
“For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from thee” (3 Nephi 22:10). “I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer” (3 Nephi 22:8).
My dear friends, the Savior heals the broken heart and binds up your wounds (see Psalm 147:3).
Of Missions, Temples, and Stewardship
Gordon B. Hinckley
“The work demands courage, it demands effort, it demands dedication, it demands the humility to get on one’s knees and ask the Lord for help and direction. You will come to know that without His help you are indeed weak and simple, but that with His help you can accomplish miracles.”
Gospel Library > Magazines > Ensign > November 1995
Claim the Exceeding Great and Precious Promises
Elder Spencer J. Condie
Of the Seventy
"The Lord makes generous promises, and He certifies that He will not vary from these promises.
The first principle of the gospel is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.
Faith in Christ includes the knowledge that following His Crucifixion, He arose from the tomb, and His Resurrection made it possible for all mankind to live again (see 1 Corinthians 15:21–23). Faith in Christ is the assurance that He and His Heavenly Father appeared to a young man, Joseph Smith, paving the way for the Restoration of all things in the dispensation of the fulness of times. Jesus Christ is the head of the Church, which bears His holy name.
The Lord makes generous promises, and He certifies that He will not vary from these promises, for, said He, “I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise” (D&C 82:10)
The Lord also promised that “whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you” (3 Nephi 18:20). We are promised that the Holy Ghost will be our constant companion when we “let virtue garnish [our] thoughts unceasingly” (see D&C 121:45–46). We can claim the spiritually liberating promise of fasting, which will “loose the bands of wickedness,” undo our “heavy burdens,” and “break every yoke” (Isaiah 58:6).
Those who are sealed in holy temples and who faithfully keep their covenants will receive God’s glory, which “shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever” (D&C 132:19).
Sometimes, in our earthly impatience, we may lose sight of the Lord’s precious promises and disconnect our obedience from the fulfillment of these promises."
林前15:19 我們若靠基督，只在今生有指望，就算比眾人更可憐。
提後4:7 那美好的仗我已經打過了，當跑的路我已經跑盡了，所信的道我已經守住了。
彼後3:14 親愛的弟兄啊，你們既盼望這些事，就當殷勤，使自己沒有玷污，無可指摘，安然見主
現代人生活中的苦難: 現在人生活中有什麼苦難
2. 三重獨身寡居項姐妹的見證:＂有聖靈與我為伴＂
3. 摩爾門經尼腓一書中尼腓所遇到的family abuse, 及尼腓的態度
1 Ne. 7: 16
1 Ne. 18: 11
1 Ne. 18: 17-18
1 Ne. 7: 17, 21
21 And it came to pass that I did frankly forgive them all that they had done, and I did exhort them that they would pray unto the Lord their God for forgiveness. And it came to pass that they did so. And after they had done praying unto the Lord we did again travel on our journey towards the tent of our father.
1 Ne. 18: 3, 21
21 And it came to pass after they had loosed me, behold, I took the compass, and it did work whither I desired it. And it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord; and after I had prayed the winds did cease, and the storm did cease, and there was a great calm.
4. 舊約中的約伯
約伯記 第一章:15~21
約伯家的苦難在伯一：13～19中記載四次，這四次苦難可分為兩大類：一是天災;二是人禍：伯一：14；17記載約伯家遭遇兩次強盜劫財害命。兩次天災與兩次人禍，使約伯家瞬間家破人亡，只剩約伯和妻子存活，可見這苦難的痛苦是無法以言語形容。
“有一天，約伯的兒女正在他們長兄的家裡吃飯喝酒，
有報信的來見約伯，說：牛正耕地，驢在旁邊吃草，
示巴人忽然闖來，把牲畜擄去，並用刀殺了僕人；惟有我一人逃脫，來報信給你。
他還說話的時候，又有人來說：神從天上降下火來，將群羊和僕人都燒滅了；惟有我一人逃脫，來報信給你。~這裡指的可能是閃電造成的火災
他還說話的時候，又有人來說：迦勒底人分作三隊忽然闖來，把駱駝擄去，並用刀殺了僕人；惟有我一人逃脫，來報信給你。 ~人禍
他還說話的時候，又有人來說：你的兒女正在他們長兄的家裡吃飯喝酒，
不料，有狂風從曠野颳來，擊打房屋的四角，房屋倒塌在少年人身上，他們就都死了；惟有我一人逃脫，來報信給你。~這裡指的是風災造成的災害
面對家中的巨變，約伯以「撕裂外袍、剃頭」來表達他的傷痛，雖是連續的苦難臨到身上，約伯仍未失去他對神的信心，讓我們看見約伯雖然失去一切，卻沒有失去他對神的信心，他順服神對他一切的安排。
伯1:21 說：我赤身出於母胎，也必赤身歸回；賞賜的是耶和華，收取的也是耶和華。耶和華的名是應當稱頌的。”
5. 舊約中的路得
路得記 第一章:16~17
她是摩押的女子，卻嫁給以色列 青年，沒料到年輕即守寡。摩押人是亞伯拉罕的姪子羅得的後代(參看創世記 19 章 )。路得此行追隨婆婆回到猶大地，要冒的險可真大！可能她會被人輕視、排斥，可 能她一輩子再也嫁不出去……。但是路得立定心意要這樣做，她似乎婆婆和她所敬 拜的上帝所深深吸引。她從婆婆身上見到上帝奇妙的愛，因此，她來投靠上帝，相信 上帝必眷顧、引領。
“路得說：不要催我回去不跟隨你。你往哪裡去，我也往那裡去；你在哪裡住宿，我也在那裡住宿；你的國就是我的國，你的神就是我的神。
你在哪裡死，我也在那裡死，也葬在那裡。除非死能使你我相離！”
正如波阿斯所祝福的，「願耶和華照你所行的賞賜你。你來投靠耶和華─以色列神的翅膀下，願你滿得他的賞賜。」(得 2:12)路得真的是滿滿得到上帝的賞賜！
6. 使徒保羅
哥林多前書 第四章: 11~13
“直到如今，我們還是又飢又渴，又赤身露體，又挨打，又沒有一定的住處，
並且勞苦，親手做工。被人咒罵，我們就祝福；被人逼迫，我們就忍受；
被人毀謗，我們就善勸。直到如今，人還把我們看作世界上的污穢，萬物中的渣滓。”
哥林多後書 第十一章:23~28
“他們是基督的僕人嗎﹖我更是。我比他們多受勞苦，多下監牢，受鞭打是過重的，冒死是屢次有的。
被猶太人鞭打五次，每次四十減去一下；
被棍打了三次；被石頭打了一次，遇著船壞三次，一晝一夜在深海裡。
又屢次行遠路，遭江河的危險、盜賊的危險，同族的危險、外邦人的危險、城裡的危險、曠野的危險、海中的危險、假弟兄的危險。
受勞碌、受困苦，多次不得睡，又飢又渴，多次不得食，受寒冷，赤身露體。
除了這外面的事，還有為眾教會掛心的事，天天壓在我身上。”
羅馬書 第八章:35~39
“誰能使我們與基督的愛隔絕呢﹖難道是患難嗎﹖是困苦嗎﹖是逼迫嗎﹖是飢餓嗎﹖是赤身露體嗎﹖是危險嗎﹖是刀劍嗎﹖
如經上所記：我們為你的緣故終日被殺；人看我們如將宰的羊。
然而，靠著愛我們的主，在這一切的事上已經得勝有餘了。
因為我深信無論是死，是生，是天使，是掌權的，是有能的，是現在的事，是將來的事，
是高處的，是低處的，是別的受造之物，都不能叫我們與神的愛隔絕；這愛是在我們的主基督耶穌裡的。”
7. 自己的經驗// 畫家梵谷 // 音樂家貝多芬
淺提自己的經驗
荷蘭銀行廣告, Stary night賞析歌詞 ; 此曲為麥克唐林所作 歌詞描述梵谷畫作色彩極為精緻 不僅是音樂與繪畫之結合; 介紹不同時期梵谷作品 如「食薯者」「鳶尾花」「郵差」「自畫像.
對世人來說梵谷的畫作是不朽的禮物 但卻是經歷許多磨難 與人情冷落與瘋狂所粹鍊.
文生‧梵谷 (1853-1890), 是繼倫勃朗 (Rembrandt, 1606-1669) 後被認為是荷蘭最偉大的畫家。他和高更、塞尚並稱為後印象派。他們吸收了印象派的精髓，卻反對印象派純客觀理性的畫法，提倡事物的實質和象徵意念，是現代藝術最重要的先驅。1878年，文生到比利時Borinage礦區任傳道員的工作。礦區人民生活的困苦，大大震撼了文生；礦區的小孩八歲就要到礦洞幫手搬運, 十三歲就得挖掘煤礦， 三十歲左右就會患上肺病，一般活不過四十歲。他們辛勞了一生，也不能換取溫飽。為了和礦民打成一片，文生用煤炭塗黑自己的臉頰，在煤渣堆中撿拾煤屑，送給區內的老弱。又把自己所有的金錢、食物、衣服分派清光，也無法幫助到這麼多的貧民。他甚至為了改善礦區人民的生活，不惜親自到煤礦公司, 為工人爭取合理的工資，及較安全的工作環境，結果不但徒勞無功，且引起教會的不滿。就在這年冬天, 礦洞發生坍塌的悲劇，傷亡慘重。1879年，教會撤除了文生的職務。被撤職後的文生仍然留在礦區，開始對繪畫發生興趣，並認定此為其人生的意義，亦得到弟弟德奧經濟上的支持。
文生27歲時才開始繪畫， 係短短十年間, 繪畫了八佰多幅油畫及同等數目的素描, 卻幾乎從未能覓得買家, 只能長期依賴弟弟德奧 (Theo) 在經濟上和精神上的支持。他的一生，就正如他的印象派同道畢沙蕾所說: 『這人將來一是瘋了, 一就是成為我們當中最出色的。
1888年，文生受塞尚的影響，到法國南部的普羅旺斯省，尋找創作的靈感。他在亞耳定居，並在此繪畫了二佰多幅油畫，當中卻只能買出一幅 (註:紅葡萄園) ，得到一則畫評。在貧困的生活中 ，赤熱的陽光下，不竭的創作令文生變得神經衰弱。無法抑制自己的激動，竟割下自己的左耳。從此，他不但失去高更這個好朋友，還給所有人笑作瘋子。1889年，文生入住 St. Remy 的精神療養院。1890年5月，文生搬到 Auvers-sur-Oise, 靠近弟弟居住，並在短短兩個月內，繪畫了七十多幅油畫。狂熱而不可抑制的創作激情，有如烈火焚燒著他的內心，使他心力交瘁，精神瀕臨崩潰。1890年7月27日早上，文生‧梵谷在麥田中吞槍自殺，延至7月29日傷重不治，享年37歲。
紐約的創作歌手唐麥克林紀念畫家梵谷的作品，stary night也是梵高著名的畫作之一，而這首歌的另一個名字VINCENT，則是梵谷高的名字.
“天上滿繁星 繁花似錦燦爛如火
天上的捲雲 在他眼眸中 是一場紫色風暴
色彩 變著調兒
清晨的禾場 琥珀色的麥子
苦痛在蒼然的臉上刻上的線
被畫家溫柔的手 撫順了”
他的「鳶尾花」還有「向日葵」都是史上拍賣價格最高的作品，以近二千萬美元成交。
貝多芬是在1770年12月16日在波恩的波恩衚衕（Bonngasse）街20號出生的，。最初，貝多芬家庭情況還算如意。約翰的經濟狀況不錯，老路德維希在經濟上也能幫助一下這個家庭[5]。約翰有酗酒的習慣，脾氣暴躁，母親則體弱多病，這是日後作為長子的貝多芬必須挑起家庭重擔的重要原因之一。也正是因此，貝多芬愛母親遠勝於父親。貝多芬可能在5歲時患有中耳炎，但並沒有得到很好的治療，這可能為其日後的耳疾埋下禍根。多芬到維也納的修養地聖城（Heiligenstadt），意圖靠當地礦泉水浴，以治療自己日益嚴重的耳硬化症. 貝多芬寫下過：“我決心掃除一切障礙，我相信命運不會拋棄我，我恐怕需要充分估量自己的力量，我要扼住命運的咽喉。”的壯語，但是在聖城他的情緒則一度陷入低谷，還寫下了一封寄給自己兄弟的信，後世稱之為《聖城遺書》（一譯海利根施塔德遺書）（Heiligenstädter Testament）。信中的語氣悲觀可憐，貝多芬的耳疾導致其出現自殺的念頭，只有他的音樂，和一種模糊的對世人的使命感才讓他免於自己逼自己走上絕路。在1819年他變成全聾，這無疑剝脫了他指揮和演出權。就是日常的溝通，也顯得非常的吃力。貝多芬的d小調第九交響曲完成於1824年，全曲共分4個樂章。在這首交響曲中的最後一個樂章（第四樂章）中，貝多芬首次聯合了合唱團與管弦樂團，為歷來在交響樂上的創舉, 聯合國教科文組織將第九交響曲的原譜定為人類文化遺產。
他說：”我只希望自己能給這個世界一些美好的音樂，然後就像一個老頑童一樣，在各位體面的先生面前了結塵世上的事。”
從所結的果子判斷
D&C 78: 19
19 And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.
來12:5 你們又忘了那勸你們如同勸兒子的話，說：我兒，你不可輕看主的管教，被他責備的時候也不可灰心；
來12:6 因為主所愛的，他必管教，又鞭打凡所收納的兒子。
來12:7 你們所忍受的，是神管教你們，待你們如同待兒子。焉有兒子不被父親管教的呢﹖
來12:10 生身的父都是暫隨己意管教我們；惟有萬靈的父管教我們，是要我們得益處，使我們在他的聖潔上有分。
來12:11 凡管教的事，當時不覺得快樂，反覺得愁苦；後來卻為那經練過的人結出平安的果子，就是義。
啟3:19 凡我所疼愛的，我就責備管教他；所以你要發熱心，也要改。
8. 結論:永生是神所有恩賜中最大的，
Have We Not Reason to Rejoice?
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
"This is a joyful religion, one of hope, strength, and deliverance.
Are we living with apprehension, fear, and worry? Or have we, amidst all of our challenges, not reason to rejoice?
We all go through different life experiences. Some are filled with joy, and others with sorrow and uncertainty.
I remember a time when things didn’t look good for our family when I was a child. It was in the winter of 1944, one of the coldest during World War II. The war front was approaching our town, and my mother had to take us four children, leave all our possessions behind, and join the millions of fleeing refugees in a desperate search for a place to survive. Our father was still in the military, but he and Mother had agreed that if they were ever separated during the war, they would try to reunite at the hometown of my grandparents. With bombing raids during the night and air attacks during the day, it took us many days to reach my grandparents. My memories of those days are of darkness and coldness. My father returned to us unharmed, but our future looked extremely bleak. We were living in the rubble of postwar Germany with a devastating feeling of hopelessness and darkness about our future.
In the middle of this despair, my family learned about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and the healing message of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. This message made all the difference; it lifted us above our daily misery. Life was still thorny and the circumstances still horrible, but the gospel brought light, hope, and joy into our lives. The plain and simple truths of the gospel warmed our hearts and enlightened our minds. They helped us look at ourselves and the world around us with different eyes and from an elevated viewpoint.
My dear brothers and sisters, aren’t the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and our membership in His Church great reasons to rejoice?
Wherever you live on this earth and whatever your life’s situation may be, I testify to you that the gospel of Jesus Christ has the divine power to lift you to great heights from what appears at times to be an unbearable burden or weakness. The Lord knows your circumstances and your challenges. He said to Paul and to all of us, “My grace is sufficient for thee.” And like Paul we can answer: “My strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
What Is the Gospel of Jesus Christ?
The gospel of Jesus Christ is good news, glad tidings, and much more. It is my firm belief that all truth and light originating with God is embraced in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
God, our loving Father in Heaven, has said that it is His work and glory “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). It is called the gospel of Jesus Christ because it is the Atonement of Jesus Christ that makes redemption and salvation possible. Through the Atonement all men, women, and children are unconditionally redeemed from physical death, and all will be redeemed from their own sins on the condition of accepting and obeying the gospel of Jesus Christ (see D&C 20:17–25; 76:40–42, 50–53; Moses 6:62).
Therefore, enduring to the end is not just a matter of passively tolerating life’s difficult circumstances or “hanging in there.” Ours is an active religion, helping God’s children along the strait and narrow path to develop their full potential during this life and return to Him one day. Viewed from this perspective, enduring to the end is exalting and glorious, not grim and gloomy. This is a joyful religion, one of hope, strength, and deliverance. “Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:25).
Enduring to the end is a process filling every minute of our life, every hour, every day, from sunrise to sunrise. It is accomplished through personal discipline following the commandments of God.
Enduring to the end implies “patient continuance in well doing” (Romans 2:7), striving to keep the commandments (see 2 Nephi 31:10), and doing the works of righteousness (see D&C 59:23). It requires sacrifice and hard work. To endure to the end, we need to trust our Father in Heaven and make wise choices, including paying our tithes and offerings, honoring our temple covenants, and serving the Lord and one another willingly and faithfully in our Church callings and responsibilities. It means strength of character, selflessness, and humility; it means integrity and honesty to the Lord and our fellowmen.
By doing our best to endure to the end, a beautiful refinement will come into our lives. We will learn to “do good to them that hate [us], and pray for them which despitefully use [us]” (Matthew 5:44).
Jesus Christ Wants You to Succeed
My dear brothers and sisters, there will be days and nights when you feel overwhelmed, when your hearts are heavy and your heads hang down. Then, please remember, Jesus Christ, the Redeemer, is the Head of this Church. It is His gospel. He wants you to succeed. He gave His life for just this purpose. He is the Son of the living God. "
“For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from thee” (3 Nephi 22:10). “I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer” (3 Nephi 22:8).
My dear friends, the Savior heals the broken heart and binds up your wounds (see Psalm 147:3).
Of Missions, Temples, and Stewardship
Gordon B. Hinckley
“The work demands courage, it demands effort, it demands dedication, it demands the humility to get on one’s knees and ask the Lord for help and direction. You will come to know that without His help you are indeed weak and simple, but that with His help you can accomplish miracles.”
Gospel Library > Magazines > Ensign > November 1995
Claim the Exceeding Great and Precious Promises
Elder Spencer J. Condie
Of the Seventy
"The Lord makes generous promises, and He certifies that He will not vary from these promises.
The first principle of the gospel is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.
Faith in Christ includes the knowledge that following His Crucifixion, He arose from the tomb, and His Resurrection made it possible for all mankind to live again (see 1 Corinthians 15:21–23). Faith in Christ is the assurance that He and His Heavenly Father appeared to a young man, Joseph Smith, paving the way for the Restoration of all things in the dispensation of the fulness of times. Jesus Christ is the head of the Church, which bears His holy name.
The Lord makes generous promises, and He certifies that He will not vary from these promises, for, said He, “I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise” (D&C 82:10)
The Lord also promised that “whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you” (3 Nephi 18:20). We are promised that the Holy Ghost will be our constant companion when we “let virtue garnish [our] thoughts unceasingly” (see D&C 121:45–46). We can claim the spiritually liberating promise of fasting, which will “loose the bands of wickedness,” undo our “heavy burdens,” and “break every yoke” (Isaiah 58:6).
Those who are sealed in holy temples and who faithfully keep their covenants will receive God’s glory, which “shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever” (D&C 132:19).
Sometimes, in our earthly impatience, we may lose sight of the Lord’s precious promises and disconnect our obedience from the fulfillment of these promises."
林前15:19 我們若靠基督，只在今生有指望，就算比眾人更可憐。
提後4:7 那美好的仗我已經打過了，當跑的路我已經跑盡了，所信的道我已經守住了。
彼後3:14 親愛的弟兄啊，你們既盼望這些事，就當殷勤，使自己沒有玷污，無可指摘，安然見主
2007年10月22日 星期一
中菲聯姻 - 異國通婚
好友Jolin Chou愛上一個菲律賓人Arnold Valila. 這個Jolin不是歌手蔡依林, 而是我中學時代的同班同學.從大學畢業起我和她每年都有短暫的碰面, 而這位Arnold是她唯一曾經對我認真提起過的男人,這個Arnold是在Jolin的父親所開的紡織廠工作的菲籍外勞, Jolin 大學畢業後就在自家的紡織廠工作, 因為是小型的工廠, 所以是老闆兼夥計,忙起來Jolin也常常得到生產線工作,甚至輪夜班, 因此和Arnold有許多密切接觸的機會, Arnold就住在她家工廠附設的外勞宿舍中. 五、六年前的一個中秋節我和女兒應邀到Jolin家的和她家人及外勞一起烤肉, Arnold也在, 只記得那是個皮膚黝黑的大眼男人, 當時我就覺得Jolin對他有種特殊的情愫。當時問她, 她只說有一點喜歡.這樣過了幾年.
今年一月Jolin告訴我她年中要到菲律賓去和Arnold結婚, 我說父母那方面怎麼說呢? 因為Jolin的父母家境富有, 家中只有三個女兒. Jolin 告訴我父母很反對, 但就由著她去了.Jolin也很不安,還去算命. Jolin去菲律賓和Arnold結完婚回台灣, 就幫她先生辦Visa, 今年九月Arnold又回來台灣, Jolin幫她兩租了一間小套房, 於是今年中秋節我就提著月餅和教會雜誌去拜訪這對新婚夫妻.
顯然Jolin 非常愛Arnold. Arnold是天主教徒, 在菲律賓有一個唸中學的女兒, 和前女友生的, Jolin的父母不肯再讓Arnold到紡織廠工作或住在工廠宿舍, 也不願幫助Arnold申請工作簽證, Arnold再菲律賓有三間米店, 一台計程車, 一間在馬尼拉附近的房子, 希望Jolin和他回菲律賓定居, Arnold覺得他有足夠的收入讓兩人在菲律賓生活, Jolin覺得不夠. Jolin要Arnold和她待在台灣, 她則繼續在父母的紡織廠工作,這樣方便存錢, 於是持觀光護照來台的Arnold過一陣子又要飛回菲律賓, 付高額仲介費申請來台工作.因為Jolin想在她熟悉的台灣生活, 還希望可以明年懷孕生子.
Jolin和Arnold固然相愛, 但婚姻在最初就蒙上一些不確定的陰影, 讓身為朋友的我有些憂慮, 為這對夫妻禱告, 求主祝福他們.
今年一月Jolin告訴我她年中要到菲律賓去和Arnold結婚, 我說父母那方面怎麼說呢? 因為Jolin的父母家境富有, 家中只有三個女兒. Jolin 告訴我父母很反對, 但就由著她去了.Jolin也很不安,還去算命. Jolin去菲律賓和Arnold結完婚回台灣, 就幫她先生辦Visa, 今年九月Arnold又回來台灣, Jolin幫她兩租了一間小套房, 於是今年中秋節我就提著月餅和教會雜誌去拜訪這對新婚夫妻.
顯然Jolin 非常愛Arnold. Arnold是天主教徒, 在菲律賓有一個唸中學的女兒, 和前女友生的, Jolin的父母不肯再讓Arnold到紡織廠工作或住在工廠宿舍, 也不願幫助Arnold申請工作簽證, Arnold再菲律賓有三間米店, 一台計程車, 一間在馬尼拉附近的房子, 希望Jolin和他回菲律賓定居, Arnold覺得他有足夠的收入讓兩人在菲律賓生活, Jolin覺得不夠. Jolin要Arnold和她待在台灣, 她則繼續在父母的紡織廠工作,這樣方便存錢, 於是持觀光護照來台的Arnold過一陣子又要飛回菲律賓, 付高額仲介費申請來台工作.因為Jolin想在她熟悉的台灣生活, 還希望可以明年懷孕生子.
Jolin和Arnold固然相愛, 但婚姻在最初就蒙上一些不確定的陰影, 讓身為朋友的我有些憂慮, 為這對夫妻禱告, 求主祝福他們.
2007年10月18日 星期四
雜筆 - 有關情緒和人的相處
其實我覺得不幸或是失敗的事情
尤其是發生在自己身上的要儘可能低調 這也是張小燕說的
儘可能低調的忍耐
特別是負面或是悲傷的情緒 是需要發揮一些紀律的
低調的 即使那表示某些半夜時刻會默默的一個人掉眼淚 可是神知道一切
讓不好的情緒有範圍 然後天亮了太陽出來 就會發現其實自己還是蠻快樂的
我有一天中午和同事看DVD有位牧師談到擇偶
他說很多人談到擇偶會先提到的是個性例如內向或外向 風趣幽默或嚴肅仔細 浪漫纖細或豪爽大方 喜歡運動或音樂
康牧師說小偷和強暴犯和殺人犯也可能風趣幽默 外遇偷情的男人或女人也可能浪漫纖細
他說擇偶選的重點不在個性(personality) - 外向內向 幽默或嚴肅;
重點在於品格(character), 例如正直, 誠實, 自律, 溫和, 仁慈
有一天我問正華再尋找交往對象時要注意什麼?
正華也勸告我要找一個有良好品格的人!
兩個品格好的人相處的差異 都不會有太大的問題 反而可能是一種樂趣的來源
尤其是發生在自己身上的要儘可能低調 這也是張小燕說的
儘可能低調的忍耐
特別是負面或是悲傷的情緒 是需要發揮一些紀律的
低調的 即使那表示某些半夜時刻會默默的一個人掉眼淚 可是神知道一切
讓不好的情緒有範圍 然後天亮了太陽出來 就會發現其實自己還是蠻快樂的
我有一天中午和同事看DVD有位牧師談到擇偶
他說很多人談到擇偶會先提到的是個性例如內向或外向 風趣幽默或嚴肅仔細 浪漫纖細或豪爽大方 喜歡運動或音樂
康牧師說小偷和強暴犯和殺人犯也可能風趣幽默 外遇偷情的男人或女人也可能浪漫纖細
他說擇偶選的重點不在個性(personality) - 外向內向 幽默或嚴肅;
重點在於品格(character), 例如正直, 誠實, 自律, 溫和, 仁慈
有一天我問正華再尋找交往對象時要注意什麼?
正華也勸告我要找一個有良好品格的人!
兩個品格好的人相處的差異 都不會有太大的問題 反而可能是一種樂趣的來源
2007年10月16日 星期二
妳沒有老公所不可以當家庭主婦!?
有一天週末過得非常的悠閒,有很多的時間陪伴女兒.
家務事都做得差不多了, 還煮了非常好吃的午餐和晚餐.
餐後和Amanda 及我家女兒Joanna在書房閒坐,聊天兼看閒書,
自己覺得非常滿意,於是自言自語的說:
＂其實我只有星期一到星期五是職業婦女,星期六和星期日是家庭主婦!"
哪知我家Joanna突然潑了一盆冷水:
"妳不是家庭主婦,因為你沒有老公!"
我回應:
"難道一定要有老公才能當家庭主婦?"
Joanna很堅決的回答:
"對!"
所以在Jonna的眼中媽媽是職業婦女...
是單親媽媽+職業婦女; 而不是職業婦女+週末家庭主婦..
家務事都做得差不多了, 還煮了非常好吃的午餐和晚餐.
餐後和Amanda 及我家女兒Joanna在書房閒坐,聊天兼看閒書,
自己覺得非常滿意,於是自言自語的說:
＂其實我只有星期一到星期五是職業婦女,星期六和星期日是家庭主婦!"
哪知我家Joanna突然潑了一盆冷水:
"妳不是家庭主婦,因為你沒有老公!"
我回應:
"難道一定要有老公才能當家庭主婦?"
Joanna很堅決的回答:
"對!"
所以在Jonna的眼中媽媽是職業婦女...
是單親媽媽+職業婦女; 而不是職業婦女+週末家庭主婦..
2007年10月8日 星期一
好人和好婚姻
對於朋友寄來的網路文章"好人和好婚姻"的想法
好人和好婚姻
當然要先當好人 然後去找好人
兩個不好的人 ...不義之人是很難會有好婚姻的
兩個好人:
男的忠實養家 是體貼盡責的丈夫和父親 沒有外遇 家暴 酗酒 不忠和欺騙
女的溫婉賢淑 是稱職的妻子和母親 沒有濫賭 敗家 紅杏出牆 彼此相愛敬重
這樣的婚姻雖不中...亦不遠矣！
兩個好人的婚姻品質不佳, 只有技術面的問題, 只要在操作上改善溝通 調整即可, 比較好改善.
沒有基本面和道德面的結構性問題.
像習慣不忠 外遇 濫賭 酗酒 這種結構性的品格問題,
這樣的問題就像海砂屋或幅射鋼筋屋,不是微調溝通, 稍微調整就可以解決,
往往非把房子拆了重蓋否則難以改善.
所以我們每個人都應該先讓自己成為好人,
一個好人找到另一個好人, 就可以成就不錯的婚姻.
萬一沒找到好人, 頂多叫做遇人不淑, 到頭來還是一個好人
好人和好婚姻
當然要先當好人 然後去找好人
兩個不好的人 ...不義之人是很難會有好婚姻的
兩個好人:
男的忠實養家 是體貼盡責的丈夫和父親 沒有外遇 家暴 酗酒 不忠和欺騙
女的溫婉賢淑 是稱職的妻子和母親 沒有濫賭 敗家 紅杏出牆 彼此相愛敬重
這樣的婚姻雖不中...亦不遠矣！
兩個好人的婚姻品質不佳, 只有技術面的問題, 只要在操作上改善溝通 調整即可, 比較好改善.
沒有基本面和道德面的結構性問題.
像習慣不忠 外遇 濫賭 酗酒 這種結構性的品格問題,
這樣的問題就像海砂屋或幅射鋼筋屋,不是微調溝通, 稍微調整就可以解決,
往往非把房子拆了重蓋否則難以改善.
所以我們每個人都應該先讓自己成為好人,
一個好人找到另一個好人, 就可以成就不錯的婚姻.
萬一沒找到好人, 頂多叫做遇人不淑, 到頭來還是一個好人
2007年10月7日 星期日
完美主義者勿試
我最近讀了一本書
書名: 給母親的十個叮嚀
作者: 雪莉 史考特博士(譯名)
譯者: 朱衣
出版社: 時報出版社
引述書中的一段話:
"徵人啟事
有耐心，願意犧牲奉獻自己的身體(如果是領養,則不需要身體)來創造、孕育、滋養、指引、照顧一個新生命。
一定要能勝任極端多重的工作, 職責包括關愛、支持、發展自信心、指導、諮商輔導、教師等。需要有做家務事的經驗，不限領域，包括:清潔、烹飪、洗衣、燙衣服、縫紉、褓姆、司機等(或可以安排其他人擔任類似工作)。工作前景: 與人分享喜悅與失望，慶祝所有的第一次，儀式的傳承，在合宜的時機傳授智慧，在洽當的時刻做訓練。應徵者必須溫柔、堅強、聰明、有趣，熱愛教導與學習，能安慰人，有同情心，值得尊重，不畏艱難，最重要的是要很有彈性。完美主義者勿試。"
作者評註:
"這個工作是不是聽起來滿好玩的? 妳想應徵嗎?
如果是的話，恭喜妳! 身為母親，妳已經被錄用了!"
看到完美主義者勿試, 不禁會心一笑,
Joanna 就曾抱怨媽媽那種追求完美的樣子，會讓人喘不過氣來，很有壓迫感。
媽媽想的則是 為什麼我們總是離完美這麼的遙遠...
哈哈 生活儘管是滿足而快樂 充滿了可以期待和不能預料的事情
卻從來就不是完美的呀!
雖然我一直盼望著學習著成為一個更好一點的母親
我的進步和女兒的進步也是一點一點的...
書名: 給母親的十個叮嚀
作者: 雪莉 史考特博士(譯名)
譯者: 朱衣
出版社: 時報出版社
引述書中的一段話:
"徵人啟事
有耐心，願意犧牲奉獻自己的身體(如果是領養,則不需要身體)來創造、孕育、滋養、指引、照顧一個新生命。
一定要能勝任極端多重的工作, 職責包括關愛、支持、發展自信心、指導、諮商輔導、教師等。需要有做家務事的經驗，不限領域，包括:清潔、烹飪、洗衣、燙衣服、縫紉、褓姆、司機等(或可以安排其他人擔任類似工作)。工作前景: 與人分享喜悅與失望，慶祝所有的第一次，儀式的傳承，在合宜的時機傳授智慧，在洽當的時刻做訓練。應徵者必須溫柔、堅強、聰明、有趣，熱愛教導與學習，能安慰人，有同情心，值得尊重，不畏艱難，最重要的是要很有彈性。完美主義者勿試。"
作者評註:
"這個工作是不是聽起來滿好玩的? 妳想應徵嗎?
如果是的話，恭喜妳! 身為母親，妳已經被錄用了!"
看到完美主義者勿試, 不禁會心一笑,
Joanna 就曾抱怨媽媽那種追求完美的樣子，會讓人喘不過氣來，很有壓迫感。
媽媽想的則是 為什麼我們總是離完美這麼的遙遠...
哈哈 生活儘管是滿足而快樂 充滿了可以期待和不能預料的事情
卻從來就不是完美的呀!
雖然我一直盼望著學習著成為一個更好一點的母親
我的進步和女兒的進步也是一點一點的...
2007年10月3日 星期三
父母的家教是有期限性的
前陣子我很想去申請商研所 因為週遭的同事朋友, 很多人不是已經有碩士學位,就是正在進修碩士學位
讓我覺得惟恐自己職場競爭力不足, 加上有朋友說我應該在工作上更有企圖心一些
再來又想到興格來戈登會長也說教育可以打開機會之門, 又考量假如有個MBA, 提升專業知識, 工作更上一層樓, 多賺點錢, 也可以提供女兒更多資源.
於是調查了想申請的學校, 申請日期, 條件, 課程規劃, 師資, 學分, 學費...
連找誰寫推薦信, 如何說服老闆讓我保有這工作去進修, 如何安排時間和金錢都規劃好了, 也告訴女兒這個計畫
然後為了慎重起見, 我做了一個禁食禱告, 把這件事與主商量. 而得到的靈感卻是: 商研所現在不適合我! 很微小很清楚的聲音.
"Family is about time."
然後我得到一個完全不同的視野來看這件事,11歲的女兒現在是人格定型關鍵期, 需要花很多的時間陪她, 滋養她屬靈. 屬世的需求, 發展她的才能.
這些是每天回家陪她吃飯, 寫作業, 聊天說話, 讀經文.禱告, 了解她的困難挑戰, 參與她的活動, 一點一點的累積. 沒有辦法假手他人,也沒辦法速成.
母兼父職, 現在的工作既符合自己專長, 也不致過度忙碌. 收入供母女二人基本生活已是充足有餘.
於是我推翻自己最初的商研所計畫, 聆聽那微小的聲音.
重新調整所有的社交活動, 減少不必要的電話及活動, 把資源用在最要緊的事情上, 教育自己的女兒.
然後很奇妙的是: 心裡覺得很平安也很快樂.
雖然並不是事事完美, 盡如我所想所求.
可是我知道神的計畫高於人的計畫, 只要讓我們的心思意念與主的旨意相調和, 長期來說就會是對的.
讓我覺得惟恐自己職場競爭力不足, 加上有朋友說我應該在工作上更有企圖心一些
再來又想到興格來戈登會長也說教育可以打開機會之門, 又考量假如有個MBA, 提升專業知識, 工作更上一層樓, 多賺點錢, 也可以提供女兒更多資源.
於是調查了想申請的學校, 申請日期, 條件, 課程規劃, 師資, 學分, 學費...
連找誰寫推薦信, 如何說服老闆讓我保有這工作去進修, 如何安排時間和金錢都規劃好了, 也告訴女兒這個計畫
然後為了慎重起見, 我做了一個禁食禱告, 把這件事與主商量. 而得到的靈感卻是: 商研所現在不適合我! 很微小很清楚的聲音.
"Family is about time."
然後我得到一個完全不同的視野來看這件事,11歲的女兒現在是人格定型關鍵期, 需要花很多的時間陪她, 滋養她屬靈. 屬世的需求, 發展她的才能.
這些是每天回家陪她吃飯, 寫作業, 聊天說話, 讀經文.禱告, 了解她的困難挑戰, 參與她的活動, 一點一點的累積. 沒有辦法假手他人,也沒辦法速成.
母兼父職, 現在的工作既符合自己專長, 也不致過度忙碌. 收入供母女二人基本生活已是充足有餘.
於是我推翻自己最初的商研所計畫, 聆聽那微小的聲音.
重新調整所有的社交活動, 減少不必要的電話及活動, 把資源用在最要緊的事情上, 教育自己的女兒.
然後很奇妙的是: 心裡覺得很平安也很快樂.
雖然並不是事事完美, 盡如我所想所求.
可是我知道神的計畫高於人的計畫, 只要讓我們的心思意念與主的旨意相調和, 長期來說就會是對的.
2007年10月1日 星期一
"Essential Qualities for Marriage"
By Tamara Eaton
"Essential Qualities for Marriage"
1. A personal total commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ.
Total commitment to Christ means not holding any area of your life back for your own, but giving it all up to Jesus. Are you spending time in His Word, applying it to your life, and do you seek His face daily?
2. An appreciation and acceptance of one's own unique gifts and calling from the Lord.
Self-acceptance doesn't mean selfishness, but rather understanding that God has created you for a special purpose and loves you with an everlasting love.
* He has a unique plan and ministry for you that only you can fulfill. (Psalm 139; Ephesians 1:18, 2:10)
* Accept the gifts He's given you and avoid comparing yourself with others.
* Offer yourself continually up to God and He will continue His work in you and conform you to the image of His Son (Romans 8:28)!
* Be more concerned about being adorned with the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22f) rather than your physical appearance.
* Let God's perspective become your perspective!
3. A humble and forgiving spirit
Pride and unforgiveness can cause bitterness, distrust, and resentment to build and destroy relationships and marriages. It can also cause deep depression. The cure? Forgiving others as Jesus forgave us, even while we were yet in our sins. (Mark. 11:24-26, Matt. 6:14-15, Luke 6:37, Matt. 6:12, Luke 23:34, Col. 3:13, Eph. 4:32). And when the enemy tries to bring those unforgiving thoughts up again, we must remind him that we've already forgiven and are free thanks to our Lord Jesus!
" Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you." --Eph.4:31-32
"Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord:looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled" --Heb.12:14-15
"Only by pride cometh contention..." --Prov. 13:10
"He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife..." --Prov.28:25
"... be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble." --1 Pet.5:5
4. Purity
Purity is a beautiful gift to offer your future spouse. Confess any sins of impurity and allow the Lord to help you "walk in the spirit, and you shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." (Galatians 5:16) As He lives in you, He will bring to your mind any thoughts, words or actions that are impure. By filling your mind with God's Word (Romans 12:2; Psalm 119:11), you can defeat the enemy who would seek to distract you and rob you of purity before the Lord and before your future mate.
5. Awareness of Purpose
Without specific goals and purpose in life, one is reduced to floundering along life's roads with no sense of direction. Christians are given not only a road map --God's Word --but also the means by which we can discern God's Will for our lives --His Holy Spirit!
The Lord has a unique purpose and ministry for each one to fulfill and it's important to seek Him for wisdom and direction. Having goals and a sense of purpose is not only energizing but gives meaning to life, and allows one to set priorities in planning and working for the future.
The first and foremost goal for all Christians is to glorify God. One's job or career should not be an end in itself but only the means by which one fulfills part of God's plans and purposes for his life. Neither should the pursuit of leisure or pleasure be the ultimate goal --working in order to make enough to spend on fun weekends and buy more "toys" is not a worthy goal! Even working with the sole goal of financial security falls way short of God's plan --He wants each one to be focused on HIM alone for the ultimate security!
Examine your priorities in light of God's Word and what is of eternal value --don't squander time, energy and resources on things of no enduring value. How much wasted time and stress could be avoided each day by taking time to seek the Lord first and asking Him for wisdom and help in establishing priorities and godly goals!
Jesus saw many needs when He was performing His earthly ministry but even He didn't met them all--instead He did the work that His Father had given Him. That's all anyone can do--seek the Lord for His will and do it, not becoming side-tracked, even by seemingly worthwhile things. These side issues can drain us or keep us so occupied that we aren't able to accomplish what God has called us to do in the first place.
Remember: "There is always enough time to do the will of God."
6. Financial responsibility
Supporting a household is a huge responsibility, especially when you're young and just starting out. There are many expenses that come up unexpectedly and it's wise to have a cushion of savings to fall back upon if necessary (and it almost goes without saying --it will be necessary!). If a young couple starts out with both working outside the home, it's easy to grow accustomed to having two incomes, which causes huge challenges when the children begin to come along. It's best to learn to get along on one income to avoid these problems!
Don't let a "worldly" philosophy be your guide --God has much to say in His Word about finances and managing your money. Don't go into debt. Pray before purchasing. Ask the Lord to make you a good manager of the money He's provided. Look to the Lord to provide all your needs and make sure you're meeting all the conditions of being responsible with what He has already provided. If this has been a weak area, take time to read good books on managing your money and learn to plan and budget. It is much easier to learn this as a single person before you are responsible for providing for another person, too!
Above all else --dedicate all your money, possessions, time and future to God and allow Him to give you wisdom and direction! He doesn't want you to be bogged down with worry about material things, He promises to provide all your needs if you seek Him first. (Matthew 6:33)
7. Respect for authority and divine order
A couple prepared for marriage must have a proper respect for authority and divine order in the home. The Lord is the head, the husband leads the home under submission to God, loving his wife sacrificially just as Christ loved the Church, and the wife is in loving submission to the husband. God has given Christian husbands and wives to each other to function as a team, in mutual respect and honor, totally sold out and committed to Him, each contributing special gifts and wisdom as they're yielding themselves to Him, and thereby working efficiently and effectively to further not only His will in their lives, but in the kingdom of God!
Examine yourself and your future spouse --how many of these qualities are now present? How many are lacking and need further development? Before marriage the problem areas need to be strengthened and any weaknesses overcome. The Lord doesn't leave you on your own to struggle with this, He promises to equip and strengthen you as you trust and abide in Him. (John 15)
出處: http://chfweb.net/articles/week52.htm
"Essential Qualities for Marriage"
1. A personal total commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ.
Total commitment to Christ means not holding any area of your life back for your own, but giving it all up to Jesus. Are you spending time in His Word, applying it to your life, and do you seek His face daily?
2. An appreciation and acceptance of one's own unique gifts and calling from the Lord.
Self-acceptance doesn't mean selfishness, but rather understanding that God has created you for a special purpose and loves you with an everlasting love.
* He has a unique plan and ministry for you that only you can fulfill. (Psalm 139; Ephesians 1:18, 2:10)
* Accept the gifts He's given you and avoid comparing yourself with others.
* Offer yourself continually up to God and He will continue His work in you and conform you to the image of His Son (Romans 8:28)!
* Be more concerned about being adorned with the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22f) rather than your physical appearance.
* Let God's perspective become your perspective!
3. A humble and forgiving spirit
Pride and unforgiveness can cause bitterness, distrust, and resentment to build and destroy relationships and marriages. It can also cause deep depression. The cure? Forgiving others as Jesus forgave us, even while we were yet in our sins. (Mark. 11:24-26, Matt. 6:14-15, Luke 6:37, Matt. 6:12, Luke 23:34, Col. 3:13, Eph. 4:32). And when the enemy tries to bring those unforgiving thoughts up again, we must remind him that we've already forgiven and are free thanks to our Lord Jesus!
" Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you." --Eph.4:31-32
"Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord:looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled" --Heb.12:14-15
"Only by pride cometh contention..." --Prov. 13:10
"He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife..." --Prov.28:25
"... be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble." --1 Pet.5:5
4. Purity
Purity is a beautiful gift to offer your future spouse. Confess any sins of impurity and allow the Lord to help you "walk in the spirit, and you shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." (Galatians 5:16) As He lives in you, He will bring to your mind any thoughts, words or actions that are impure. By filling your mind with God's Word (Romans 12:2; Psalm 119:11), you can defeat the enemy who would seek to distract you and rob you of purity before the Lord and before your future mate.
5. Awareness of Purpose
Without specific goals and purpose in life, one is reduced to floundering along life's roads with no sense of direction. Christians are given not only a road map --God's Word --but also the means by which we can discern God's Will for our lives --His Holy Spirit!
The Lord has a unique purpose and ministry for each one to fulfill and it's important to seek Him for wisdom and direction. Having goals and a sense of purpose is not only energizing but gives meaning to life, and allows one to set priorities in planning and working for the future.
The first and foremost goal for all Christians is to glorify God. One's job or career should not be an end in itself but only the means by which one fulfills part of God's plans and purposes for his life. Neither should the pursuit of leisure or pleasure be the ultimate goal --working in order to make enough to spend on fun weekends and buy more "toys" is not a worthy goal! Even working with the sole goal of financial security falls way short of God's plan --He wants each one to be focused on HIM alone for the ultimate security!
Examine your priorities in light of God's Word and what is of eternal value --don't squander time, energy and resources on things of no enduring value. How much wasted time and stress could be avoided each day by taking time to seek the Lord first and asking Him for wisdom and help in establishing priorities and godly goals!
Jesus saw many needs when He was performing His earthly ministry but even He didn't met them all--instead He did the work that His Father had given Him. That's all anyone can do--seek the Lord for His will and do it, not becoming side-tracked, even by seemingly worthwhile things. These side issues can drain us or keep us so occupied that we aren't able to accomplish what God has called us to do in the first place.
Remember: "There is always enough time to do the will of God."
6. Financial responsibility
Supporting a household is a huge responsibility, especially when you're young and just starting out. There are many expenses that come up unexpectedly and it's wise to have a cushion of savings to fall back upon if necessary (and it almost goes without saying --it will be necessary!). If a young couple starts out with both working outside the home, it's easy to grow accustomed to having two incomes, which causes huge challenges when the children begin to come along. It's best to learn to get along on one income to avoid these problems!
Don't let a "worldly" philosophy be your guide --God has much to say in His Word about finances and managing your money. Don't go into debt. Pray before purchasing. Ask the Lord to make you a good manager of the money He's provided. Look to the Lord to provide all your needs and make sure you're meeting all the conditions of being responsible with what He has already provided. If this has been a weak area, take time to read good books on managing your money and learn to plan and budget. It is much easier to learn this as a single person before you are responsible for providing for another person, too!
Above all else --dedicate all your money, possessions, time and future to God and allow Him to give you wisdom and direction! He doesn't want you to be bogged down with worry about material things, He promises to provide all your needs if you seek Him first. (Matthew 6:33)
7. Respect for authority and divine order
A couple prepared for marriage must have a proper respect for authority and divine order in the home. The Lord is the head, the husband leads the home under submission to God, loving his wife sacrificially just as Christ loved the Church, and the wife is in loving submission to the husband. God has given Christian husbands and wives to each other to function as a team, in mutual respect and honor, totally sold out and committed to Him, each contributing special gifts and wisdom as they're yielding themselves to Him, and thereby working efficiently and effectively to further not only His will in their lives, but in the kingdom of God!
Examine yourself and your future spouse --how many of these qualities are now present? How many are lacking and need further development? Before marriage the problem areas need to be strengthened and any weaknesses overcome. The Lord doesn't leave you on your own to struggle with this, He promises to equip and strengthen you as you trust and abide in Him. (John 15)
出處: http://chfweb.net/articles/week52.htm
Preparation for Marriage
"Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies..."
By Tamara Eaton
Marriage is for mature adults --mature not only physically, but psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually.
* One who is prepared for marriage has an adult perspective on life, knows how to judge priorities and determine God's will --not just live for fun and pleasure or selfish desires.
* He understands how to set and achieve both long-term and short-term goals and how to lead a disciplined life.
* He is willing to "die to flesh" and place his future spouse's needs (and future children's needs) before his own. No longer can selfishness reign! All decisions and actions affect two people now.
* He is willing to pay the cost to lead his family spiritually and he recognizes that he is going to answer to God as to how he leads his family. He has surrendered himself fully to the Lord and allowed Him full control.
* He is prepared to provide for his future wife's and future family's financial needs.
* He has learned to judge things in light of Eternity --he understands what is really important and what is not.
* He takes the time to study God's Word and pray --for himself and for others, for his future spouse, and for wisdom and understanding of the Lord's will for their lives.
* He realizes his spiritual maturity is revealed by the degree in which he cooperates with the Holy Spirit and chooses to live by His instructions and lines his life up with the Word of God.
* He prays that the Lord leads him to the perfect spouse for himself, one who has also dedicated her life to Jesus Christ and is submitted to His Lordship and desires to walk in accordance to His Word -- otherwise, how can two walk together except they be agreed?
* He is totally committed to one spouse for life, divorce will never be an option or even in his vocabulary. He realizes love is a decision, not just a feeling and that while feelings may increase and decrease in intensity according to current circumstances, true love endures because it is based on more than just a feeling --it is a lifetime commitment.
出處: http://chfweb.net/articles/week52.htm
By Tamara Eaton
Marriage is for mature adults --mature not only physically, but psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually.
* One who is prepared for marriage has an adult perspective on life, knows how to judge priorities and determine God's will --not just live for fun and pleasure or selfish desires.
* He understands how to set and achieve both long-term and short-term goals and how to lead a disciplined life.
* He is willing to "die to flesh" and place his future spouse's needs (and future children's needs) before his own. No longer can selfishness reign! All decisions and actions affect two people now.
* He is willing to pay the cost to lead his family spiritually and he recognizes that he is going to answer to God as to how he leads his family. He has surrendered himself fully to the Lord and allowed Him full control.
* He is prepared to provide for his future wife's and future family's financial needs.
* He has learned to judge things in light of Eternity --he understands what is really important and what is not.
* He takes the time to study God's Word and pray --for himself and for others, for his future spouse, and for wisdom and understanding of the Lord's will for their lives.
* He realizes his spiritual maturity is revealed by the degree in which he cooperates with the Holy Spirit and chooses to live by His instructions and lines his life up with the Word of God.
* He prays that the Lord leads him to the perfect spouse for himself, one who has also dedicated her life to Jesus Christ and is submitted to His Lordship and desires to walk in accordance to His Word -- otherwise, how can two walk together except they be agreed?
* He is totally committed to one spouse for life, divorce will never be an option or even in his vocabulary. He realizes love is a decision, not just a feeling and that while feelings may increase and decrease in intensity according to current circumstances, true love endures because it is based on more than just a feeling --it is a lifetime commitment.
出處: http://chfweb.net/articles/week52.htm
Eternal Marriage
最近想到說把這段時間讀到關於這方面的文章及出處都放到部落格來
you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. … It becomes special because you have made it so.
F. Burton Howard, “Eternal Marriage,” Ensign, May 2003, 92
A number of years ago my wife and I went to a garden wedding reception. Earlier that day we had been to the temple, where two young people we knew had been married for time and all eternity. They were much in love. The circumstances of their meeting had been almost miraculous. Many tears of happiness were shed. We stood in the reception line at the end of a perfect day. Ahead of us was a close friend of the family. As he approached the couple, he stopped and in a beautiful, clear tenor voice sang to them the stirring words from the book of Ruth: “Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die” (Ruth 1:16–17).
We were deeply touched and felt reassured about their prospects for happiness—this in part, I suppose, because my wife and I have had these same words on the wall of our home for many years.
Sadly, the significance of these beautiful words is subsiding. Far too many marriages today end in divorce. Selfishness, sin, and personal convenience often prevail over covenants and commitment.
Eternal marriage is a principle which was established before the foundation of the world and was instituted on this earth before death came into it. Adam and Eve were given to each other by God in the Garden of Eden before the Fall. The scripture says, “In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; Male and female created he them; and blessed them” (Gen. 5:1–2; emphasis added).
The prophets have uniformly taught that the consummate and culminating element of God’s great plan for the blessing of His children is eternal marriage. President Ezra Taft Benson stated, “Faithfulness to the marriage covenant brings the fullest joy here and glorious rewards hereafter” (The Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson [1988], 533–34). President Howard W. Hunter described celestial marriage as “the crowning gospel ordinance” and clarified that “while it might take somewhat longer [for some,] perhaps even beyond this mortal life,” it would not be denied to any worthy individual (Teachings of Howard W. Hunter, ed. Clyde J. Williams [1997], 132, 140). President Gordon B. Hinckley has called eternal marriage a wonderful thing (see “What God Hath Joined Together,” Ensign, May 1991, 71) and a “gift, precious beyond all others” (“The Marriage That Endures,” Ensign, May 1974, 23).
However, notwithstanding the grandeur and glory of the gift, it is not free. In fact it is conditional, and having been given, it may be withdrawn if we do not keep the conditions of the covenant which accompanies it. Section 131 of the Doctrine and Covenants tells us that “in the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees; And in order to obtain the highest, a man [that means a woman too] must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]” (D&C 131:1–2).
A covenant is a sacred promise. We promise to do some things, and God binds Himself to do others. To those who keep the covenant of marriage, God promises the fulness of His glory, eternal lives, eternal increase, exaltation in the celestial kingdom, and a fulness of joy. We all know that, but sometimes we don’t give much thought to what we have to do to receive these blessings. The scriptures seem to clearly say that at least three obligations are inherent in this covenant.
First, an eternal marriage is eternal. Eternal implies continuing growth and improvement. It means that man and wife will honestly try to perfect themselves. It means that the marriage relationship is not to be frivolously discarded at the first sign of disagreement or when times get hard. It signifies that love will grow stronger with time and that it extends beyond the grave. It means that each partner will be blessed with the company of the other partner forever and that problems and differences might as well be resolved because they are not going to go away. Eternal signifies repentance, forgiveness, long-suffering, patience, hope, charity, love, and humility. All of these things are involved in anything that is eternal, and surely we must learn and practice them if we intend to claim an eternal marriage.
Second, an eternal marriage is ordained of God. This means that the parties to the marriage covenant agree to invite God into their marriage, to pray together, to keep the commandments, to keep wants and passions within certain limits that the prophets have outlined. It means to be equal companions and to be just as true and pure outside the home as inside the home. That is part of what ordained of God means.
Third, eternal marriage is a kind of partnership with God. He promises a continuation of lives to those who are sealed together in the temple. There is a oneness with the Creator implied in the commandment given to Adam and Eve to multiply and replenish the earth. There is an obligation to teach children the gospel, for they are His children too. Thus we have family home evening and scripture study, gospel conversations, and service to others. There would seem to be an obligation to support and sustain each other in callings and roles that each is given to perform. How can we claim to be one with God if we cannot sustain one another when the wife is called to serve in the Primary or the husband in the bishopric?
So the covenant of marriage implies at least these things and probably others. I may miss the mark, but I don’t think by far, when I say that those who verbally or physically abuse their wives or husbands or those who degrade or demean or exercise unrighteous dominion in a marriage are not keeping the covenant. Nor are those who neglect the commandments or who fail to sustain their leaders. Even those who merely decline callings, neglect neighbors, or moderately adopt worldly ways are at risk. If we are not keeping our part of the covenant, we have no promise.
Most of all, I think eternal marriage cannot be achieved without a commitment to make it work. Most of what I know about this I have learned from my companion. We have been married for almost 47 years now. From the beginning she knew what kind of marriage she wanted.
We started as poor college students, but her vision for our marriage was exemplified by a set of silverware. As is common today, when we married she registered with a local department store. Instead of listing all the pots and pans and appliances we needed and hoped to receive, she chose another course. She asked for silverware. She chose a pattern and the number of place settings and listed knives, forks, and spoons on the wedding registry and nothing else. No towels, no toasters, no television—just knives, forks, and spoons.
The wedding came and went. Our friends and our parents’ friends gave gifts. We departed for a brief honeymoon and decided to open the presents when we returned. When we did so, we were shocked. There was not a single knife or fork in the lot. We joked about it and went on with our lives.
Two children came along while we were in law school. We had no money to spare. But when my wife worked as a part-time election judge or when someone gave her a few dollars for her birthday, she would quietly set it aside, and when she had enough she would go to town to buy a fork or a spoon. It took us several years to accumulate enough pieces to use them. When we finally had service for four, we began to invite some of our friends for dinner.
Before they came, we would have a little discussion in the kitchen. Which utensils would we use, the battered and mismatched stainless or the special silverware? In those early days I would often vote for the stainless. It was easier. You could just throw it in the dishwasher after the meal, and it took care of itself. The silver, on the other hand, was a lot of work. My wife had it hidden away under the bed where it could not be found easily by a burglar. She had insisted that I buy a tarnish-free cloth to wrap it in. Each piece was in a separate pocket, and it was no easy task to assemble all the pieces. When the silver was used, it had to be hand washed and dried so that it would not spot, and put back in the pockets so it would not tarnish, and wrapped up and carefully hidden again so it would not get stolen. If any tarnish was discovered, I was sent to buy silver polish, and together we carefully rubbed the stains away.
Over the years we added to the set, and I watched with amazement how she cared for the silver. My wife was never one to get angry easily. However, I remember the day when one of our children somehow got hold of one of the silver forks and wanted to use it to dig up the backyard. That attempt was met with a fiery glare and a warning not to even think about it. Ever!
I noticed that the silverware never went to the many ward dinners she cooked, or never accompanied the many meals she made and sent to others who were sick or needy. It never went on picnics and never went camping. In fact it never went anywhere; and, as time went by, it didn’t even come to the table very often. Some of our friends were weighed in the balance, found wanting, and didn’t even know it. They got the stainless when they came to dinner.
The time came when we were called to go on a mission. I arrived home one day and was told that I had to rent a safe-deposit box for the silver. She didn’t want to take it with us. She didn’t want to leave it behind. And she didn’t want to lose it.
For years I thought she was just a little bit eccentric, and then one day I realized that she had known for a long time something that I was just beginning to understand. If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by.
Eternal marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just that way. I pray that we may see it for the priceless gift that it is, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Gospel topics: covenants, love, marriage, temples
you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. … It becomes special because you have made it so.
F. Burton Howard, “Eternal Marriage,” Ensign, May 2003, 92
A number of years ago my wife and I went to a garden wedding reception. Earlier that day we had been to the temple, where two young people we knew had been married for time and all eternity. They were much in love. The circumstances of their meeting had been almost miraculous. Many tears of happiness were shed. We stood in the reception line at the end of a perfect day. Ahead of us was a close friend of the family. As he approached the couple, he stopped and in a beautiful, clear tenor voice sang to them the stirring words from the book of Ruth: “Whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die” (Ruth 1:16–17).
We were deeply touched and felt reassured about their prospects for happiness—this in part, I suppose, because my wife and I have had these same words on the wall of our home for many years.
Sadly, the significance of these beautiful words is subsiding. Far too many marriages today end in divorce. Selfishness, sin, and personal convenience often prevail over covenants and commitment.
Eternal marriage is a principle which was established before the foundation of the world and was instituted on this earth before death came into it. Adam and Eve were given to each other by God in the Garden of Eden before the Fall. The scripture says, “In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; Male and female created he them; and blessed them” (Gen. 5:1–2; emphasis added).
The prophets have uniformly taught that the consummate and culminating element of God’s great plan for the blessing of His children is eternal marriage. President Ezra Taft Benson stated, “Faithfulness to the marriage covenant brings the fullest joy here and glorious rewards hereafter” (The Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson [1988], 533–34). President Howard W. Hunter described celestial marriage as “the crowning gospel ordinance” and clarified that “while it might take somewhat longer [for some,] perhaps even beyond this mortal life,” it would not be denied to any worthy individual (Teachings of Howard W. Hunter, ed. Clyde J. Williams [1997], 132, 140). President Gordon B. Hinckley has called eternal marriage a wonderful thing (see “What God Hath Joined Together,” Ensign, May 1991, 71) and a “gift, precious beyond all others” (“The Marriage That Endures,” Ensign, May 1974, 23).
However, notwithstanding the grandeur and glory of the gift, it is not free. In fact it is conditional, and having been given, it may be withdrawn if we do not keep the conditions of the covenant which accompanies it. Section 131 of the Doctrine and Covenants tells us that “in the celestial glory there are three heavens or degrees; And in order to obtain the highest, a man [that means a woman too] must enter into this order of the priesthood [meaning the new and everlasting covenant of marriage]” (D&C 131:1–2).
A covenant is a sacred promise. We promise to do some things, and God binds Himself to do others. To those who keep the covenant of marriage, God promises the fulness of His glory, eternal lives, eternal increase, exaltation in the celestial kingdom, and a fulness of joy. We all know that, but sometimes we don’t give much thought to what we have to do to receive these blessings. The scriptures seem to clearly say that at least three obligations are inherent in this covenant.
First, an eternal marriage is eternal. Eternal implies continuing growth and improvement. It means that man and wife will honestly try to perfect themselves. It means that the marriage relationship is not to be frivolously discarded at the first sign of disagreement or when times get hard. It signifies that love will grow stronger with time and that it extends beyond the grave. It means that each partner will be blessed with the company of the other partner forever and that problems and differences might as well be resolved because they are not going to go away. Eternal signifies repentance, forgiveness, long-suffering, patience, hope, charity, love, and humility. All of these things are involved in anything that is eternal, and surely we must learn and practice them if we intend to claim an eternal marriage.
Second, an eternal marriage is ordained of God. This means that the parties to the marriage covenant agree to invite God into their marriage, to pray together, to keep the commandments, to keep wants and passions within certain limits that the prophets have outlined. It means to be equal companions and to be just as true and pure outside the home as inside the home. That is part of what ordained of God means.
Third, eternal marriage is a kind of partnership with God. He promises a continuation of lives to those who are sealed together in the temple. There is a oneness with the Creator implied in the commandment given to Adam and Eve to multiply and replenish the earth. There is an obligation to teach children the gospel, for they are His children too. Thus we have family home evening and scripture study, gospel conversations, and service to others. There would seem to be an obligation to support and sustain each other in callings and roles that each is given to perform. How can we claim to be one with God if we cannot sustain one another when the wife is called to serve in the Primary or the husband in the bishopric?
So the covenant of marriage implies at least these things and probably others. I may miss the mark, but I don’t think by far, when I say that those who verbally or physically abuse their wives or husbands or those who degrade or demean or exercise unrighteous dominion in a marriage are not keeping the covenant. Nor are those who neglect the commandments or who fail to sustain their leaders. Even those who merely decline callings, neglect neighbors, or moderately adopt worldly ways are at risk. If we are not keeping our part of the covenant, we have no promise.
Most of all, I think eternal marriage cannot be achieved without a commitment to make it work. Most of what I know about this I have learned from my companion. We have been married for almost 47 years now. From the beginning she knew what kind of marriage she wanted.
We started as poor college students, but her vision for our marriage was exemplified by a set of silverware. As is common today, when we married she registered with a local department store. Instead of listing all the pots and pans and appliances we needed and hoped to receive, she chose another course. She asked for silverware. She chose a pattern and the number of place settings and listed knives, forks, and spoons on the wedding registry and nothing else. No towels, no toasters, no television—just knives, forks, and spoons.
The wedding came and went. Our friends and our parents’ friends gave gifts. We departed for a brief honeymoon and decided to open the presents when we returned. When we did so, we were shocked. There was not a single knife or fork in the lot. We joked about it and went on with our lives.
Two children came along while we were in law school. We had no money to spare. But when my wife worked as a part-time election judge or when someone gave her a few dollars for her birthday, she would quietly set it aside, and when she had enough she would go to town to buy a fork or a spoon. It took us several years to accumulate enough pieces to use them. When we finally had service for four, we began to invite some of our friends for dinner.
Before they came, we would have a little discussion in the kitchen. Which utensils would we use, the battered and mismatched stainless or the special silverware? In those early days I would often vote for the stainless. It was easier. You could just throw it in the dishwasher after the meal, and it took care of itself. The silver, on the other hand, was a lot of work. My wife had it hidden away under the bed where it could not be found easily by a burglar. She had insisted that I buy a tarnish-free cloth to wrap it in. Each piece was in a separate pocket, and it was no easy task to assemble all the pieces. When the silver was used, it had to be hand washed and dried so that it would not spot, and put back in the pockets so it would not tarnish, and wrapped up and carefully hidden again so it would not get stolen. If any tarnish was discovered, I was sent to buy silver polish, and together we carefully rubbed the stains away.
Over the years we added to the set, and I watched with amazement how she cared for the silver. My wife was never one to get angry easily. However, I remember the day when one of our children somehow got hold of one of the silver forks and wanted to use it to dig up the backyard. That attempt was met with a fiery glare and a warning not to even think about it. Ever!
I noticed that the silverware never went to the many ward dinners she cooked, or never accompanied the many meals she made and sent to others who were sick or needy. It never went on picnics and never went camping. In fact it never went anywhere; and, as time went by, it didn’t even come to the table very often. Some of our friends were weighed in the balance, found wanting, and didn’t even know it. They got the stainless when they came to dinner.
The time came when we were called to go on a mission. I arrived home one day and was told that I had to rent a safe-deposit box for the silver. She didn’t want to take it with us. She didn’t want to leave it behind. And she didn’t want to lose it.
For years I thought she was just a little bit eccentric, and then one day I realized that she had known for a long time something that I was just beginning to understand. If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by.
Eternal marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just that way. I pray that we may see it for the priceless gift that it is, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Gospel topics: covenants, love, marriage, temples
2007年9月19日 星期三
發現一個好玩部落格
發現一個好玩的部落格
http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/jimcandy-angelina
這個格主的自我介紹還蠻有趣的
格主安潔莉娜陳的媽咪的自我介紹
我終於當媽咪啦~ 原以為37歲才結婚的我，能嫁掉就已經很偉大了! 竟然既自然又順利的在39歲時生下陳家的小天使Angelina! 我是不是很棒呀! 另外，我跟老公的這段婚姻也結的很神奇，他是我的學生，他小我7歲，所以我們是姐弟戀加上師生戀的結合，很讓人跌破眼鏡!婚前家人跟老公家人嗆聲：我女兒不小了，會不會生不知道，娶了她，可別跟我們要孫子喔!
看完突然大受啟發, 覺得年紀比我小的J是個不可多得的好對象. 反正我現在32歲, J明年畢業我33歲...這件事自己看不準確 ... 還是要完全倚靠主的智慧
後來又想起前陣子和Amanda的對話:
Tammy: 據Joanna的爸爸說我是他歷來交往過的女人中身高最矮的一個 (據說是唯一身高不滿160公分的)
Amanda: ...
Tammy: 又沒人叫他來追 ...是他自己主動追求的...真是得了便宜還賣乖!
Amanda: 我呀從小就不太會用成語...常常用錯成語...我沒聽過得了便宜還賣乖
只聽過老王賣瓜自賣自誇
Tammy: 追求我的時候的確是老王賣瓜自賣自誇... 等到木已成舟才發現 ...夷! 被騙了...
現在再說算是"回首話當年"
能全身而退...我覺得很感謝主
http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/jimcandy-angelina
這個格主的自我介紹還蠻有趣的
格主安潔莉娜陳的媽咪的自我介紹
我終於當媽咪啦~ 原以為37歲才結婚的我，能嫁掉就已經很偉大了! 竟然既自然又順利的在39歲時生下陳家的小天使Angelina! 我是不是很棒呀! 另外，我跟老公的這段婚姻也結的很神奇，他是我的學生，他小我7歲，所以我們是姐弟戀加上師生戀的結合，很讓人跌破眼鏡!婚前家人跟老公家人嗆聲：我女兒不小了，會不會生不知道，娶了她，可別跟我們要孫子喔!
看完突然大受啟發, 覺得年紀比我小的J是個不可多得的好對象. 反正我現在32歲, J明年畢業我33歲...這件事自己看不準確 ... 還是要完全倚靠主的智慧
後來又想起前陣子和Amanda的對話:
Tammy: 據Joanna的爸爸說我是他歷來交往過的女人中身高最矮的一個 (據說是唯一身高不滿160公分的)
Amanda: ...
Tammy: 又沒人叫他來追 ...是他自己主動追求的...真是得了便宜還賣乖!
Amanda: 我呀從小就不太會用成語...常常用錯成語...我沒聽過得了便宜還賣乖
只聽過老王賣瓜自賣自誇
Tammy: 追求我的時候的確是老王賣瓜自賣自誇... 等到木已成舟才發現 ...夷! 被騙了...
現在再說算是"回首話當年"
能全身而退...我覺得很感謝主
2007年9月17日 星期一
參觀婚友社
星期六和品心去參觀這家位於捷運科技大樓站附近的婚友社
位於五樓 一進門狀似紅娘的崔姐熱情招呼
接待的地方有書報沙發 幾張小桌子 小椅子 櫃檯附近放了一些他們最近的成功案例 也就是會員結婚喜帖 喜餅 謝帖之類的
會員制 會費3個月1萬元 另外排約加收排約費
他們也有辦團體活動 主要目的是招收會員
據說很多媽媽帶女兒來
首先會先看欲加入會員者的身分證 . ..最高學歷證明...在職證明.. 名片 ...照片, 很像每家公司人力資源部面談新人的作業...
據崔姐說所有會員都是大學以上畢業 有正當工作
安排會員認識會員 第一次見面都是經過排約 安排在該婚友社見面
可以依照會員所設定的年齡 職業 個性 身高長相 星座 氣質等條件去篩選見面認識的對象
接著去參觀排約 ...分兩區 一個是VIP區有個別的房間 一個是一般區
只用兩片屏風擋起來, 說話的聲音清楚可見
看起來是都坐滿了人 生意是非常的好
對於現代忙碌的都會男女 似乎不失為有效的求偶方式
我們在現場會客區 看見一個非常高挑漂亮的72年次女生
無論打扮談吐都很優雅 另外還看見一個長相秀氣的年輕女醫師
兩個都是會員...
參觀完畢後 我們就以已經有對象為由告辭了
位於五樓 一進門狀似紅娘的崔姐熱情招呼
接待的地方有書報沙發 幾張小桌子 小椅子 櫃檯附近放了一些他們最近的成功案例 也就是會員結婚喜帖 喜餅 謝帖之類的
會員制 會費3個月1萬元 另外排約加收排約費
他們也有辦團體活動 主要目的是招收會員
據說很多媽媽帶女兒來
首先會先看欲加入會員者的身分證 . ..最高學歷證明...在職證明.. 名片 ...照片, 很像每家公司人力資源部面談新人的作業...
據崔姐說所有會員都是大學以上畢業 有正當工作
安排會員認識會員 第一次見面都是經過排約 安排在該婚友社見面
可以依照會員所設定的年齡 職業 個性 身高長相 星座 氣質等條件去篩選見面認識的對象
接著去參觀排約 ...分兩區 一個是VIP區有個別的房間 一個是一般區
只用兩片屏風擋起來, 說話的聲音清楚可見
看起來是都坐滿了人 生意是非常的好
對於現代忙碌的都會男女 似乎不失為有效的求偶方式
我們在現場會客區 看見一個非常高挑漂亮的72年次女生
無論打扮談吐都很優雅 另外還看見一個長相秀氣的年輕女醫師
兩個都是會員...
參觀完畢後 我們就以已經有對象為由告辭了
教養孩子的秘訣, 一言以蔽之...
星期天上教堂, 剛好看理坤再和一個媽媽聊天, 聊到這位噴GUCCI ENVY 香水的媽媽的兒子現在在美國當律師, 機不可失, 趕緊上前插嘴請教育兒秘訣:
Tammy: 請問您教養兒女成功的原則, 一言以蔽之您認為是什麼?
Envy 香水媽媽: 一言以蔽之就是一個字"忍"!
忍...尤其是青春期的孩子... 忍他頂嘴耍賴 ...目無尊長 考試不及格
上學遲到 不做家事, 千萬不可對他發怒 忍住別發脾氣
然後找他能聽妳說話的時候 跟他好好講
教他明白...
有青春期小孩的媽媽們加油!
Tammy: 請問您教養兒女成功的原則, 一言以蔽之您認為是什麼?
Envy 香水媽媽: 一言以蔽之就是一個字"忍"!
忍...尤其是青春期的孩子... 忍他頂嘴耍賴 ...目無尊長 考試不及格
上學遲到 不做家事, 千萬不可對他發怒 忍住別發脾氣
然後找他能聽妳說話的時候 跟他好好講
教他明白...
有青春期小孩的媽媽們加油!
2007年9月11日 星期二
The Right Person, the Right Place, the Right Time: Guidelines for Wisely Choosing a Spouse
轉貼的文章
來源: http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=1124
The Right Person, the Right Place, the Right Time: Guidelines for Wisely Choosing a Spouse
作者: THOMAS B. HOLMAN
Thomas B. Holman was a BYU professor of marriage, family, and humandevelopment and associate director of outreach for the Family Studies Center in theBYU School of Family Life when this devotional address was given on 1 August 2000.
內容:
In January of 1972, after eating at a nice restaurant and attending the Osmonds in concert, I asked my wife to marry me. She said, "No." A little over a month later, as I was walking her home from Church, she said, "Well, are you going to marry me or am I going to have to get a job?" I wisely agreed to marry her. She had, very sensibly, not accepted my invitation too quickly and been careful to make sure she had chosen the right man. She understood President Gordon B. Hinckley's counsel: "This will be the most important decision of your life, the individual whom you marry. . . . Marry the right person in the right place at the right time" ("Life's Obligations," Ensign, February 1999, 2).
Where is the right place? Who is the right person? When is the right time? Fortunately, President Hinckley and others have given us inspired counsel concerning these questions, and more than 60 years of research in the social sciences adds another witness to their counsel. Although the guidance I am going to share today is primarily for unmarried individuals, much of what I say can help married couples continue to strengthen their marriages.
The Right Place
The right place is, of course, the temple. "There is no substitute for marrying in the temple," counsels President Hinckley. "It is the only place under the heavens where marriage can be solemnized for eternity. Don't cheat yourself. Don't cheat your companion. Don't shortchange your lives" ("Life's Obligations," 2).
The Right Person
A person committed to temple marriage must then ask: "Whom should I marry?" "How do I identify the right person for me?"
Everyone has advice for single people considering marriage. The Beatles sang: "All you need is love, love; love is all you need." Newsstand magazines claim: "Good communication is all you really need." Television and film media seem to shout: "Find someone who is good looking, someone who really 'turns you on'; then you'll be happy!"
We actually have a great deal of advice from sources a lot better than the Beatles, magazines, or television and films. The words of the Savior in the scriptures and the teachings of inspired ancient and modern prophets set us on the right path. This divine and prophetic counsel is supported by more than 60 years of social science research on premarital predictors of later marital quality and stability. First let us look at what the scriptures and General Authorities teach about spouse selection. Then let us see how the results of research on premarital phenomenon that influence later marital success can be a "second witness."
Let me make two things clear about what is meant by "the right person." First, movies, plays, and fiction sometimes lead us astray with the idea there is a "one and only" somewhere out there with whom we made a covenant to marry in the premortal existence. We think finding a mate is simply a matter of waiting for "some enchanted evening," locking eyes with someone "across a crowded room," heading off hand-in-hand to the closest temple--probably singing the rest of the score from South Pacific--and then living happily ever after. No matter how romantic this idea is, it is not supported by prophetic counsel. President Spencer W. Kimball said this:
"Soul mates" are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price. ["Marriage and Divorce," in Speeches of the Year, 1976 (Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University, 1977), 146]
Evidently, seeking for a mate is not a matter of waiting for that "one and only" to walk by and grab you.
Being the Right Person
Second, one of the most important principles we learn from the scriptures to help us choose an eternal companion is articulated by the Savior in Matthew 7:3–5:
And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
Elder Neal A. Maxwell spoke more specifically to those in families, including those in the courtship stage, when he said:
If the choice is between reforming other Church members [including fiancés, fiancées, spouses, children] or ourselves, is there really any question about where we should begin? The key is to have our eyes wide open to our own faults and partially closed to the faults of others--not the other way around! The imperfections of others never release us from the need to work on our own shortcomings. ["A Brother Offended," Ensign, May 1982, 39]
Thus, as you think about the prophetic counsel and the research I will now discuss on choosing a spouse, you need first to apply the ideas and counsel to yourself. Then you can more appropriately critique another's rightness for you.
Finding the Right Person
The first quality many young people look for in a potential spouse is someone with whom they can "fall in love," which often means someone for whom they feel a strong physical attraction. Although love is more than physical attraction, being physically attracted to a potential spouse is not bad. Indeed, Elder Bruce R. McConkie said, "The right person is someone for whom the natural and wholesome and normal affection that should exist does exist." Then he went on to add: "It is the person who is living so that he or she can go to the temple of God and make the covenants that we there make" (CR, October 1955, 13).
Being "in love" and attracted to a person is a good start, but clearly not enough. President Gordon B. Hinckley suggested several other factors we should keep in mind:
Choose a companion of your own faith. You are much more likely to be happy. Choose a companion you can always honor, you can always respect, one who will complement you in your own life, one to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty. [Hinckley, "Life's Obligations, 2]
Elder Richard G. Scott suggested that in a potential spouse we should look for essential attributes that bring happiness: a deep love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one that is kindly understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self, with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a commitment to teach them the principles of truth in the home. ["Receive the Temple Blessings," Ensign, May 1999, 26]
More than 60 years of research proposes several factors that both witness and complement the attributes outlined by President Hinckley and Elder Scott. That research suggests what my colleague Dr. Jeff Larson has called "the marriage triangle" that we need to look at in choosing a spouse (see Thomas B. Holman and Associates, Premarital Prediction of Marital Quality or Breakup: Research, Theory, and Practice [New York: Plenum, in press]). These factors are: first, the individual attributes and core values of the person; second, the quality of the relationship we are able to build with the person; and third, the person's past and present circumstances and environments. Let's consider each of these.
First, we need to know a lot about the person we are thinking of marrying. As Elder Scott notes, the beliefs the person has about family life matter, and research confirms this. The more the person values marriage and family life, the better the marriage will be. President Hinckley admonishes us to choose a person we can honor, respect, and give our whole heart, love, allegiance, and loyalty to. The research shows that this kind of person will have a healthy sense of self-respect, maturity, self-control, and good mental and emotional health.
The Right Relationship
President Hinckley suggested you choose a person "who will complement you," and Elder Scott says our choice should be a person who "is kindly understanding [and] forgiving of others." Thus, we need to find a person not only of good character, but a person with whom we can have a good relationship.
Two hallmarks of good premarital relationships that Church leaders have stressed are love and communication. These two things help couples solve problems, resolve differences, and increase agreement on important issues. President Spencer W. Kimball helped a young couple on the verge of marriage with this counsel:
The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but also faith, confidence, understanding, and partnership. It is devotion and companionship, parenthood, common ideals, and standards. It is cleanliness of life and sacrifice and unselfishness. This kind of love never tires nor wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity. . . . Today it is a demonstrative love, but in the tomorrows of ten, thirty, fifty years it will be a far greater and more intensified love, grown quieter and more dignified with the years of sacrifice, suffering, joys, and consecration to each other, to your family, and to the kingdom of God. ["An Apostle Speaks About Marriage to John and Mary," Improvement Era, February 1949, 76; also "John and Mary, Beginning Life Together," New Era, June 1975, 7–8]
Researchers have also found that the greater the love couples have in their relationships before they marry, the more successful their marriages. However, one researcher reviewed dozens of studies on love and found that there is both "immature love" and "mature love." Mature love, she declared, is the kind of love needed for successful marriage and family life (Patricia Noller, "What Is This Thing Called Love? Defining the Love That Supports Marriage and Family," Personal Relations 3 [1996]: 97–115). Love, whether immature or mature, has three aspects--how love feels; how you think about love; and how you behave, or act, when in love.
Aspects of Love in the Social Sciences
I. Emotional Part of Love
Immature Love:
Possessiveness
Jealousy
Infatuation
Preoccupation
Anxiety
來源: http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=1124
The Right Person, the Right Place, the Right Time: Guidelines for Wisely Choosing a Spouse
作者: THOMAS B. HOLMAN
Thomas B. Holman was a BYU professor of marriage, family, and humandevelopment and associate director of outreach for the Family Studies Center in theBYU School of Family Life when this devotional address was given on 1 August 2000.
內容:
In January of 1972, after eating at a nice restaurant and attending the Osmonds in concert, I asked my wife to marry me. She said, "No." A little over a month later, as I was walking her home from Church, she said, "Well, are you going to marry me or am I going to have to get a job?" I wisely agreed to marry her. She had, very sensibly, not accepted my invitation too quickly and been careful to make sure she had chosen the right man. She understood President Gordon B. Hinckley's counsel: "This will be the most important decision of your life, the individual whom you marry. . . . Marry the right person in the right place at the right time" ("Life's Obligations," Ensign, February 1999, 2).
Where is the right place? Who is the right person? When is the right time? Fortunately, President Hinckley and others have given us inspired counsel concerning these questions, and more than 60 years of research in the social sciences adds another witness to their counsel. Although the guidance I am going to share today is primarily for unmarried individuals, much of what I say can help married couples continue to strengthen their marriages.
The Right Place
The right place is, of course, the temple. "There is no substitute for marrying in the temple," counsels President Hinckley. "It is the only place under the heavens where marriage can be solemnized for eternity. Don't cheat yourself. Don't cheat your companion. Don't shortchange your lives" ("Life's Obligations," 2).
The Right Person
A person committed to temple marriage must then ask: "Whom should I marry?" "How do I identify the right person for me?"
Everyone has advice for single people considering marriage. The Beatles sang: "All you need is love, love; love is all you need." Newsstand magazines claim: "Good communication is all you really need." Television and film media seem to shout: "Find someone who is good looking, someone who really 'turns you on'; then you'll be happy!"
We actually have a great deal of advice from sources a lot better than the Beatles, magazines, or television and films. The words of the Savior in the scriptures and the teachings of inspired ancient and modern prophets set us on the right path. This divine and prophetic counsel is supported by more than 60 years of social science research on premarital predictors of later marital quality and stability. First let us look at what the scriptures and General Authorities teach about spouse selection. Then let us see how the results of research on premarital phenomenon that influence later marital success can be a "second witness."
Let me make two things clear about what is meant by "the right person." First, movies, plays, and fiction sometimes lead us astray with the idea there is a "one and only" somewhere out there with whom we made a covenant to marry in the premortal existence. We think finding a mate is simply a matter of waiting for "some enchanted evening," locking eyes with someone "across a crowded room," heading off hand-in-hand to the closest temple--probably singing the rest of the score from South Pacific--and then living happily ever after. No matter how romantic this idea is, it is not supported by prophetic counsel. President Spencer W. Kimball said this:
"Soul mates" are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price. ["Marriage and Divorce," in Speeches of the Year, 1976 (Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University, 1977), 146]
Evidently, seeking for a mate is not a matter of waiting for that "one and only" to walk by and grab you.
Being the Right Person
Second, one of the most important principles we learn from the scriptures to help us choose an eternal companion is articulated by the Savior in Matthew 7:3–5:
And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
Elder Neal A. Maxwell spoke more specifically to those in families, including those in the courtship stage, when he said:
If the choice is between reforming other Church members [including fiancés, fiancées, spouses, children] or ourselves, is there really any question about where we should begin? The key is to have our eyes wide open to our own faults and partially closed to the faults of others--not the other way around! The imperfections of others never release us from the need to work on our own shortcomings. ["A Brother Offended," Ensign, May 1982, 39]
Thus, as you think about the prophetic counsel and the research I will now discuss on choosing a spouse, you need first to apply the ideas and counsel to yourself. Then you can more appropriately critique another's rightness for you.
Finding the Right Person
The first quality many young people look for in a potential spouse is someone with whom they can "fall in love," which often means someone for whom they feel a strong physical attraction. Although love is more than physical attraction, being physically attracted to a potential spouse is not bad. Indeed, Elder Bruce R. McConkie said, "The right person is someone for whom the natural and wholesome and normal affection that should exist does exist." Then he went on to add: "It is the person who is living so that he or she can go to the temple of God and make the covenants that we there make" (CR, October 1955, 13).
Being "in love" and attracted to a person is a good start, but clearly not enough. President Gordon B. Hinckley suggested several other factors we should keep in mind:
Choose a companion of your own faith. You are much more likely to be happy. Choose a companion you can always honor, you can always respect, one who will complement you in your own life, one to whom you can give your entire heart, your entire love, your entire allegiance, your entire loyalty. [Hinckley, "Life's Obligations, 2]
Elder Richard G. Scott suggested that in a potential spouse we should look for essential attributes that bring happiness: a deep love of the Lord and of His commandments, a determination to live them, one that is kindly understanding, forgiving of others, and willing to give of self, with the desire to have a family crowned with beautiful children and a commitment to teach them the principles of truth in the home. ["Receive the Temple Blessings," Ensign, May 1999, 26]
More than 60 years of research proposes several factors that both witness and complement the attributes outlined by President Hinckley and Elder Scott. That research suggests what my colleague Dr. Jeff Larson has called "the marriage triangle" that we need to look at in choosing a spouse (see Thomas B. Holman and Associates, Premarital Prediction of Marital Quality or Breakup: Research, Theory, and Practice [New York: Plenum, in press]). These factors are: first, the individual attributes and core values of the person; second, the quality of the relationship we are able to build with the person; and third, the person's past and present circumstances and environments. Let's consider each of these.
First, we need to know a lot about the person we are thinking of marrying. As Elder Scott notes, the beliefs the person has about family life matter, and research confirms this. The more the person values marriage and family life, the better the marriage will be. President Hinckley admonishes us to choose a person we can honor, respect, and give our whole heart, love, allegiance, and loyalty to. The research shows that this kind of person will have a healthy sense of self-respect, maturity, self-control, and good mental and emotional health.
The Right Relationship
President Hinckley suggested you choose a person "who will complement you," and Elder Scott says our choice should be a person who "is kindly understanding [and] forgiving of others." Thus, we need to find a person not only of good character, but a person with whom we can have a good relationship.
Two hallmarks of good premarital relationships that Church leaders have stressed are love and communication. These two things help couples solve problems, resolve differences, and increase agreement on important issues. President Spencer W. Kimball helped a young couple on the verge of marriage with this counsel:
The love of which the Lord speaks is not only physical attraction, but also faith, confidence, understanding, and partnership. It is devotion and companionship, parenthood, common ideals, and standards. It is cleanliness of life and sacrifice and unselfishness. This kind of love never tires nor wanes. It lives on through sickness and sorrow, through prosperity and privation, through accomplishment and disappointment, through time and eternity. . . . Today it is a demonstrative love, but in the tomorrows of ten, thirty, fifty years it will be a far greater and more intensified love, grown quieter and more dignified with the years of sacrifice, suffering, joys, and consecration to each other, to your family, and to the kingdom of God. ["An Apostle Speaks About Marriage to John and Mary," Improvement Era, February 1949, 76; also "John and Mary, Beginning Life Together," New Era, June 1975, 7–8]
Researchers have also found that the greater the love couples have in their relationships before they marry, the more successful their marriages. However, one researcher reviewed dozens of studies on love and found that there is both "immature love" and "mature love." Mature love, she declared, is the kind of love needed for successful marriage and family life (Patricia Noller, "What Is This Thing Called Love? Defining the Love That Supports Marriage and Family," Personal Relations 3 [1996]: 97–115). Love, whether immature or mature, has three aspects--how love feels; how you think about love; and how you behave, or act, when in love.
Aspects of Love in the Social Sciences
I. Emotional Part of Love
Immature Love:
Possessiveness
Jealousy
Infatuation
Preoccupation
Anxiety
Mature Love
Lasting Passion
Desire for Companionship
Warm Feeling of Contentment
II. Belief Part of Love
Immature Love
"Love Is Blind"
External to Us
Beyond Our Control
Mature Love
Commitment
Trust
Sharing
Sacrifice
III. Behavior Part of Love
Immature Love
Selfish
Lustful
Concerned Only with Satisfying Own Needs
Clinging
Overdependent
Demanding of Obedience
Mature Love
Create an Environment for Growth and Development
Allows Other Space for Growth
Notice how the characteristics of love spoken of by President Kimball mirror what research has found to be the characteristics of the mature kind of love upon which stable, high-quality marriages and family life are built. But the love of which Church leaders speak goes beyond the love even the best social science research has discovered. It includes, as President Kimball noted, a "consecration" to partner, to family, and also to the kingdom of God. This kind of love is intimately connected to covenants and to our love of the Lord. It is a love between couples "that binds them to each other and to the Lord" (Bruce Hafen, "Covenant Marriage," Ensign, November 1996, 28). This kind of love eschews the lust and selfishness of premarital sex and unlawful cohabitation. This kind of love cares more about the other person than the self.
The way we communicate in dating and courtship usually influences how our partner will feel about us and our relationship. Relationships are established upon the comfort and trust created by sincere communication. Research notes that positive communication, practiced in dating and courtship relationships, increases the likelihood of greater commitment, better conflict resolution, and more love between partners in their marriage.
Good communication begins with a righteous heart. "Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh," said the Lord Jesus Christ (Matthew 12:34). On the other hand, communication from a selfish heart is generally just manipulation. Elder Marvin J. Ashton adds:
If we would know true love and understanding one for another, we must realize that communication is more than a sharing of words. It is the wise sharing of emotions, feelings, and concerns. It is the sharing of oneself totally. ["Family Communications," Ensign, May 1976, 52; emphasis in original]
Past and Present Circumstances
Besides checking out the person's character and your ability to create a good couple relationship with them, you need to consider past and present family relationships. President David O. McKay taught: "In choosing a companion, it is necessary to study the disposition, the inheritance, and training of the one with whom you are contemplating making life's journey" (GI, 459).
Research supports President McKay's counsel. Good family environments and family relationships tend to lead to good quality marriages by the children; poor family environments and family relationships often result in poor marriages by the children from these homes. Young adults from divorced families, for example, may experience more depression and anger and have trust or commitment issues as a result of the trauma of parental divorce. Some individuals--whether their parents divorced or not--may have been exposed to poor models of communication and conflict resolution in their families. Individuals from families that were emotionally cold and distant, chaotic, dangerous, unpredictable, detached, full of conflict, or where addictions or violence were chronic problems may need special help in overcoming such an upbringing.
However, one whose family background is less than perfect must never feel that he or she is "damaged goods" and cannot have a good marriage. Nor should such a person be automatically eliminated from another's "pool of eligible spouses." We are not doomed to suffer the consequences of our parents' iniquities "unto the third and fourth generation." The very scriptures that warn of wickedness being passed on to the third and fourth generation also show the way out of a troubled family background. Doctrine and Covenants 124:50 tells us that the iniquities of the fathers will be visited upon the heads of the children "so long as they [the children] repent not, and hate me." Thus repentance and loving the Lord help free us from the sins of our parents. What is most important is that the person has turned from the "wicked traditions" of the parents and is striving to keep the Lord's commandments (Alma 23:3).
The Right Time
When it comes to determining "the right time," at least two questions need to be asked and answered. First, when is the right time of life to get married? Second, how much time should I spend in the process of going "from first date to chosen mate"? Let me briefly address these issues.
Years of research suggest that marriage has the fewest risks of later problems when people marry in their twenties. Marrying in your teens or into your thirties simply increases the risk factors associated with poorer marital quality and stability.
President Harold B. Lee helps us understand when the best time in life is to marry. He said:
Now don't misunderstand me. I am not trying to urge you younger men to marry too early. I think therein is one of the hazards of today's living. We don't want a young man to think of marriage until he is able to take care of a family, to have an institution of his own, to be independent. He must make sure that he has found the girl of his choice, they have gone together long enough that they know each other, and that they know each other's faults and they still love each other. . . .
Please don't misunderstand what we are saying; but, brethren, think more seriously about the obligations of marriage for those who bear the holy priesthood at a time when marriage should be the expectation of every man who understands [his] responsibility. ["Priesthood Address," Ensign, January 1974, 100]
Sisters also need to wait until they are mature enough to assume the responsibilities of a wife and mother, without waiting too long while pursuing less important things.
The ABCs of Courtship
How much time does it take to move through the process of finding the right person and preparing to marry him or her in the temple? Two research projects involving largely BYU students show what couples believe or have found to work for them. These two studies show that the average time from first date to temple marriage is about nine to 10 months. Some couples move much faster, some considerably slower. On average, three to four months of that nine to 10 months is the engagement. In a study of LDS couples married eight years, and in another study of single BYU students asked what the ideal length of an engagement should be, the vast majority think that three to four months is about right. Don't take these numbers as goals you must meet. What the Brethren and the research do seem to suggest is that you can go too fast or too slow through the process. There are, for example, discernible stages that most couples need to go through on the path from first date to chosen mate. We might call these stages the "ABCs of courtship," and there are certain tasks you need to accomplish in each stage (George Levinger, "Development and Change," in Harold H. Kelley et al., Close Relationships [New York: W. H. Freeman, 1983], 321).
A is the Attraction and Acquaintance stage. Research on LDS students by my colleague Dr. Craig Ostler, in the Department of Religious Education, shows initial attraction usually consists of physical attraction, attraction to the person's personality, and/or attraction to their perceived spiritual qualities. According to Brother Ostler's research, LDS young people are most able to move from initial attraction to acquaintance and the start of a relationship if both the male and female are seeking, sending, and receiving what he called "interest cues and attraction strategies" (Craig J. Ostler, "Initiating Premarital Heterosexual Relationships: A Qualitative Study of Mate Selection Process from a Religiously Conservative Population" [Ph.D. dissertation, Brigham Young University, 1995]). Thus relationships generally develop only when you are seeking to know if a person is interested; sending interest cues appropriately; and receiving back, or understanding how to interpret the other person's interest in you, or lack thereof. One who is deficient in one or more of these processes finds that relationships tend not to develop, and one or both partners can become very frustrated. Dr. Ostler found that the females especially understood what they needed to do--and they were willing to teach roommates who were frustrated. They said, "What you do is touch him on the arm, look him in the eye, and laugh at his jokes. Within a few days he will be asking you out."
When the seeking, sending, and receiving is done in sync--in other words, both people are seeking, sending, and receiving the same messages--the couple moves to the B or Build-Up Stage. At this point the couple gets to know each other and checks out the person to see if he or she is the right person for them. Research by two of my master's students--EmRee Pugmire and Nancy McLaughlin--has shown that, generally speaking, LDS males and females move through this stage best when a friendship is developed first; when both persons feel they are full and equal partners in the growing relationship; when this friendship happens before much, if any, physical involvement has occurred; and when both people are relaxed and not worrying about whether this particular relationship is "the one" and just kind of let things happen.
If all these things happen, then the couple is ready to move to the C stage, the stage of Consolidation, Continuation, and mutual Commitment to the eternal relationship.
Making the Decision
President Gordon B. Hinckley has some counsel about this stage:
I hope you will not put off marriage too long. I do not speak so much to the young women as to the young men whose prerogative and responsibility it is to take the lead in this matter. Don't go on endlessly in a frivolous dating game. Look for a choice companion, one you can love, honor, and respect, and make a decision. ["Thou Shalt Not Covet," Ensign, March 1990, 6]
We must finally "make a decision," as President Hinckley says. In doing this, most Latter-day Saints want a spiritual confirmation that they are making a wise commitment. As you seek a spiritual confirmation, you need to keep at least five things in mind.
First, be worthy to receive the inspiration you need. Elder Boyd K. Packer reminds us that if we "desire the inspiration of the Lord in this crucial decision, [we] must live the standards of the Church" (Eternal Love [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1973], 11).
Second, understand the balance between agency and inspiration. As Elder Bruce R. McConkie said, "We make our own choices, and then we present the matter to the Lord and get his approving, ratifying seal" ("Agency or Inspiration?" New Era, January 1975, 42).
The experience of one young man illustrates this:
There are two things in my life that I've always felt would be important: a career and marriage. Yet at the time I didn't feel like I was getting a response. I prayed, "Heavenly Father, this is so important, I need to know whether or not it's right." Then, toward the end of our courtship, I went to the temple. I was so frustrated because I wasn't getting an answer either way. After praying and waiting for an answer, I got more frustrated and gave up. That was when an impression came to me: "You already know the answer." Then I realized that God had answered my prayers. The decision to marry Becky always made sense and felt right. I can see now that God had been telling me in my heart and in my mind that it was a good decision. And later, at the time of the ceremony, I had another confirmation that what I was doing was right.
Third, seek multiple witnesses. The scriptures teach us that "in the mouth of two or three witnesses shall every word be established" (2 Corinthians 13:1; D&C 6:28). A spiritual witness can be confirmed a second or greater time at the altar in the temple, as noted above; in prayer by the Spirit again; in discussions with parents, a bishop, or a trusted friend; while partaking of the sacrament; or in any number of circumstances.
Fourth, learn to discern between inspiration, infatuation, desperation, and a desire to please others. Inspiration comes as explained above: when one is living worthy, when one is exercising agency and studying it all out carefully, and when one's decisions are confirmed by multiple spiritual enlightenments and peaceful feelings (see D&C 6:15, 22–23). Infatuation is usually manifest by the immature "love" I discussed earlier--that including great anxiety, possessiveness, selfishness, clinging, and overdependence. Infatuation may be more likely with individuals who lack emotional and spiritual maturity. Desperation is often associated with social or cultural circumstances that create an atmosphere (at least in the person's mind) of "now or never." Pressure from peers, family, and cultural norms may create a sense of desperation that leads to an unwise decision. A desire to get away from an unpleasant family situation or fear of failure in school or work situations can also cause someone to look desperately to marriage as a way out of a problem. On the other hand, pressure from peers, family, and cultural norms may create a situation where you put off marriage for fear that others will think you are just a "Molly Mormon" or a "Norman the Mormon" who doesn't "understand" that marriage is "old-fashioned" and can "ruin your career." Such pressures to marry or not marry often create fears and anxieties that "speak" so loudly in our minds that we cannot hear the still, small whisperings of the Spirit.
Fifth, the spiritual confirmation needs to come to both parties involved. A person should not feel that if his or her partner receives a confirmation, that he or she is therefore released from the necessity of seeking a similar confirmation. Elder Dallin H. Oaks discussed this issue:
If a revelation is outside the limits of stewardship, you know it is not from the Lord, and you are not bound by it. I have heard of cases where a young man told a young woman she should marry him because he had received a revelation that she was to be his eternal companion. If this is a true revelation, it will be confirmed directly to the woman if she seeks to know. In the meantime, she is under no obligation to heed it. She should seek her own guidance and make up her own mind. The man can receive revelation to guide his own actions, but he cannot properly receive revelation to direct hers. She is outside his stewardship. ["Revelation," 1981–82 BYU Fireside and Devotional Speeches (Provo, Utah: Brigham Young University, 1982), 25]
The D and E of Relationship Development
Not all relationships end in marriage, and rightly so. Therefore we need to understand not only the ABCs of courtship but also the D and E stages of courtship: Deterioration and Ending. The D and E phases of relationship development are possibly the most difficult to deal with. Relationships, of course, can "deteriorate" and "end" very quickly--after only a few minutes of acquaintance or at any stage of development. But breaking up a relationship that has grown toward a sense of interdependence and possible thoughts of marriage are particularly difficult to end.
If it is right to break off a relationship, how can that be done so as to cause the least hurt? The revelation given by the Lord to Joseph Smith and contained in section 121 of the Doctrine and Covenants provides excellent counsel not only for strengthening but also ending a relationship. Especially helpful is the counsel contained in these verses:
No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned;
By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile--
Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;
That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death. [D&C 121:41–44]
Verses 41 and 42 teach us that we should not attempt to continue a relationship by any unrighteous means. A partner should not be coerced into staying in a relationship, nor should we ever feel coerced. Furthermore, when a relationship should end, the principles articulated in verses 41 and 42 can be a guide for dealing with the hurt and emotion that may result. One may need to be very long-suffering, gentle, meek, and kind with a partner who does not understand or resists the change. The counsel given in verses 43 and 44 may seem extreme, but when considered carefully, it is some of the best counsel we can get for ending a relationship. To reprove means "to correct," and betimes means "early on." Thus, when "pure knowledge," received by the Holy Ghost, helps us understand that a relationship must end, we should "correct" the situation (end the relationship) quickly and not let it drag on. The word sharply can mean "with clarity"--think of a sharp picture--rather than "with severity," as it is most often interpreted. Thus, while being as loving and kind as we can, we should make it clear that the relationship is ending and why--rather than "beating around the bush," hoping the partner will get the message. Again, this should be done with kindness, meekness, and love unfeigned; recognizing that even if the partner has hurt us in some way, she or he is a beloved child of God who must be treated in a Christlike manner.
If one is the "breakee" rather than the "breaker," the same counsel applies: This partner you believe you love should not be coerced or forced in any way to continue if she or he does not want to continue. Even if the emotional hurt you feel is strong, you need to back off, not try to hurt the partner back in some way, and allow yourself time to heal.
Breaking up is not the end of the world. Great learning and maturity can come from surviving a premarital breakup. If one initiates or goes through a breakup with as much Christlike behavior and feelings as possible, and allows himself or herself to be healed by the peace of the Spirit, that person is then more ready to move on to a relationship that can result in an eternal marriage--but not too quickly, mind you.
Helps for Choosing the Right Person, the Right Place, and the Right Time
The Church and BYU have some wonderful resources to help you choose the right person, the right place, and the right time. Let me note three of them:
1. Most institutes of religion and Church universities will have a religion course numbered 234 and titled Preparation for a Celestial Marriage. It is my understanding that a new student text for the course is coming out this fall. I encourage you to take this course.
2. The Family Studies Center at Brigham Young University has a Web site designed specifically to provide resources for couples preparing for marriage. It is the Before Forever site. Its URL is http://marriageinfo.byu.edu. Before Forever provides comprehensive and ready-to-use information online to help LDS couples better plan their future marriage. Before Forever is not a dating service or a counseling center. The site offers publications such as Ensign articles, books, and speeches about various marital and premarital topics; work sheets about different premarital and marital issues; and news and information about marriage and family events.
3. Another Family Studies Center Web site contains a survey called the RELATionship Evaluation, or RELATE, which you and your partner can complete online. Within minutes you will receive feedback online regarding the strengths and work areas in your relationship. RELATE is designed for unmarried and newly married couples, and we will soon have adolescent, remarriage, and mature adult versions available. Also, it will soon be available online in Spanish and Portuguese. RELATE's URL is http://relate.byu.edu.
The Right Person Is Not Perfect--Yet
Our son Matt recently married a wonderful young woman from Oregon, and as my wife, Linda, and I were driving to the reception in Oregon, we reminisced about our own courtship and marriage. The more we talked, the more I remembered how immature I had been when we married.
Finally, in bewilderment, I asked Linda, "Why did you marry me?"
Her simple answer was, "I saw potential."
As we search for a mate with whom we can spend the eternities, therefore, we would do well to remember Elder Richard G. Scott's counsel that mirrors my wife's comments:
I suggest that you not ignore many possible candidates who are still developing these attributes, seeking the one who is perfected in them. You will likely not find that perfect person, and if you did, there would certainly be no interest in you. These attributes are best polished together as husband and wife. ["Receive the Temple Blessings," Ensign, May 1999, 26]
That you may "marry the right person in the right place at the right time" is my prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
收到J的信之後
收到到J的信之後我又變得很安心了
真的很感謝他這樣一直安慰我 鼓勵我 為我和喬喬禱告
除了天父和主耶穌之外 J一直給我很大的力量 對我有很大的影響力
我可以感受到他對我的愛 很奇怪
這樣半個地球 好像就沒有這麼遠了
昨天幫Tina整理東西 以便她搬家
看她那些Certificate 文件 和工作的樣子 用心努力專注
成就她工作上的outstanding 她絕對有年薪200萬的價值
然後看著她生活的每個細節
想起多年前的自己 想起J當時告訴我的話
很高興當時聽從他的教導 把他的話放在心裡
然後選擇了另外一種方向
沒有達成職業上的outstanding 但是讓生活的每一方面是balance的
即使是沒有辦法約會或常常聽到或看見彼此
J一直以來還是幫助我成為我想要成為的那種女人
幫助我變得更快樂 更健康 對人更溫柔 或更有愛心
最近打算重新安排時間以便有更多的時間陪喬喬
這也是J每次提醒我的事
因為他總是說: How is Joanna?
大概他知道我一直想要也常是成為更好的母親
可是卻常常讓次要的事物分散了 我的體力 時間 和注意力
即是空間上不是很親近 J仍然是很了解我
真的很感謝他這樣一直安慰我 鼓勵我 為我和喬喬禱告
除了天父和主耶穌之外 J一直給我很大的力量 對我有很大的影響力
我可以感受到他對我的愛 很奇怪
這樣半個地球 好像就沒有這麼遠了
昨天幫Tina整理東西 以便她搬家
看她那些Certificate 文件 和工作的樣子 用心努力專注
成就她工作上的outstanding 她絕對有年薪200萬的價值
然後看著她生活的每個細節
想起多年前的自己 想起J當時告訴我的話
很高興當時聽從他的教導 把他的話放在心裡
然後選擇了另外一種方向
沒有達成職業上的outstanding 但是讓生活的每一方面是balance的
即使是沒有辦法約會或常常聽到或看見彼此
J一直以來還是幫助我成為我想要成為的那種女人
幫助我變得更快樂 更健康 對人更溫柔 或更有愛心
最近打算重新安排時間以便有更多的時間陪喬喬
這也是J每次提醒我的事
因為他總是說: How is Joanna?
大概他知道我一直想要也常是成為更好的母親
可是卻常常讓次要的事物分散了 我的體力 時間 和注意力
即是空間上不是很親近 J仍然是很了解我
2007年9月4日 星期二
2007年8月29日 星期三
Joanna starts her new semester
Joanna starts her school today. She gets up very early in the morning and is so exciting. She is 6th grade this semester.
Last Saturday, Joanna and I went to see tap dancing and enjoyed the Jazz music with the kids of Scout and their dads and moms in the City Hall, later we had a good time of bicycle riding, and visit Taipei Zoo in the evening.
Last Sunday evening, we enjoyed the fireside with Elder Earl C. Tingey and his wife as our speakers. A few days later, I received an e-mail from Johnathan, telling me that he'll finish internship in NASA and will be back to school the following week, the things about his family, his prayer for me and Joanna and so.
Last Saturday, Joanna and I went to see tap dancing and enjoyed the Jazz music with the kids of Scout and their dads and moms in the City Hall, later we had a good time of bicycle riding, and visit Taipei Zoo in the evening.
Last Sunday evening, we enjoyed the fireside with Elder Earl C. Tingey and his wife as our speakers. A few days later, I received an e-mail from Johnathan, telling me that he'll finish internship in NASA and will be back to school the following week, the things about his family, his prayer for me and Joanna and so.
2007年8月22日 星期三
終於又恢復了平靜
真的是瞞不過她.不知道是律師的敏銳和細膩.還是50歲女人特有的練達...
或說陳姊妹就天生敏於觀察...沒說什麼..她還是發現
這樣亂遭遭的感情經過她一點 .就清楚了...
剛開始是一點曖昧..迷戀...互相吸引...不快停止的話
再過來會怎麼樣啊?
長痛不如短痛...
正義一點吧 君子愛人以徳
我得承認他真的很迷人. 很吸引人 . 很有魅力 . 也很細膩 . 很專業.
是個很棒的醫師...
剛開始的時候這個人讓我聯想到紅樓夢裡的賈寶玉
他對每個來到他身邊的女人都好 對每個都是真心的
他凝視妳的眼睛的時候 讓人很難抗拒 讓女人的感情很難不淪陷
滿面笑容讓人著迷 ...和妳說話的時候 讓妳忍不住也想跟他一起笑
從他清澈的眼眼睛 妳好像可以看見自己
可是跟這樣的男人有曖昧的感情...就會讓我離永恆婚姻和家庭夢想遠了
所停止吧... 停止不合適的迷戀
情慾和愛情是不一樣的
爐邊聚會後.又再次感到平靜
為他到禱告 願他的家庭和樂幸福
然後我想起半個地球外的J和他所教導我的事 和跟我說的話
突然覺得滿懷感恩
若這是蒙主悅納的 那我可以接受小我七歲 也可以接受種族和國籍的差異了
再一次我又感覺到平靜和溫暖
感謝神藉著你們牽著我的手往前走..
或說陳姊妹就天生敏於觀察...沒說什麼..她還是發現
這樣亂遭遭的感情經過她一點 .就清楚了...
剛開始是一點曖昧..迷戀...互相吸引...不快停止的話
再過來會怎麼樣啊?
長痛不如短痛...
正義一點吧 君子愛人以徳
我得承認他真的很迷人. 很吸引人 . 很有魅力 . 也很細膩 . 很專業.
是個很棒的醫師...
剛開始的時候這個人讓我聯想到紅樓夢裡的賈寶玉
他對每個來到他身邊的女人都好 對每個都是真心的
他凝視妳的眼睛的時候 讓人很難抗拒 讓女人的感情很難不淪陷
滿面笑容讓人著迷 ...和妳說話的時候 讓妳忍不住也想跟他一起笑
從他清澈的眼眼睛 妳好像可以看見自己
可是跟這樣的男人有曖昧的感情...就會讓我離永恆婚姻和家庭夢想遠了
所停止吧... 停止不合適的迷戀
情慾和愛情是不一樣的
爐邊聚會後.又再次感到平靜
為他到禱告 願他的家庭和樂幸福
然後我想起半個地球外的J和他所教導我的事 和跟我說的話
突然覺得滿懷感恩
若這是蒙主悅納的 那我可以接受小我七歲 也可以接受種族和國籍的差異了
再一次我又感覺到平靜和溫暖
感謝神藉著你們牽著我的手往前走..
2007年8月20日 星期一
何師竹醫師的見證
聖經歌林多後書八章十二節：「人若有願做的心，必蒙悅納，乃是照他所有的，不是照他所無的」。
「自從造天地以來，神的永能和神性是明明可知的，雖是眼不能見，但藉著受造之物，就可以曉得，叫人無可推諉」。（羅馬書第一章20節）
以弗所書第五章1節：「所以你們該效法神，好像蒙慈愛的兒女一樣。」
全文連結:
http://www.dacombook.com.tw/book/cancer/writer.htm
何師竹醫師對婚姻的看法:
從生物學家的觀點，兩性的結合是為繁衍下一代。但我認為上帝造人很奇妙，充滿恩典。一對幸福的夫妻必須身、心、靈三方面都能完全契合。婚姻制度保護了彼此相屬的關係，不容外人介入。 中國儒家孔子說：「食、色，性也」，實在沒有錯。上帝讓我們享有美味的食物、眼目觀看美景，耳聽各種美妙的聲音，也能享受性生活。但惟有在婚姻關係中、夫妻同心相屬、完全沒有第三者的介入，才能彼此毫無掛慮的、全心為對方付出與享有對方。在舊約聖經故事中，凡是有二個以上妻室的男子家中永遠沒有安寧融洽，甚至子女相爭為敵。中國傳統社會中，表面上家主駕馭了三妻四妾，事實上閨闈間暗潮洶湧，父母與子女的關係也被扭曲。因為人們違反造物主的命令與美意：「二人成為一體，從此不再是兩個人了」，因而喪失了上帝所賜的夫妻間共同承擔與分享人生的幸福。 在現代社會中雖不再有三妻四妾，但事實上，兩性「性道德」的雙重標準便是這種封建遺毒的結果。如果人們不能體會婚姻關係的神聖，婚前墮胎、始亂終棄．．．諸事層出不窮。婚後亦不能忠於配偶，子女又如何能在溫馨祥和、充滿信任感與安全感的環境中長大？又如何能相信婚姻是神聖的？我最喜歡聽基督徒的婚禮中，牧師要求新郎、新娘彼此誓約：不管健康、疾病，富有、貧窮，平安、災禍，都要愛對方、保護對方，直到生命的末了．．．。我深信兩性的結合是神聖的，真正美滿的婚姻是二人終身同心相屬。 女性主義者所宣揚的「情慾自主」，如果在夫妻之間，便是自發性的、心甘情願的、取悅與享有對方。如果不在婚姻的關係裡，且不論造成人倫關係的混亂、性病的蔓延（不僅是梅毒、淋病、尖狀溼疣及人人聞之色變的愛滋病等，連子宮頸癌也是性交感染導致的疾病），有「性」無「愛」的身體結合，卻無心靈的契合，可能圓滿無憾嗎？已婚或未婚者的「婚外情」一定會造成彼此的傷害，而真正的愛是不加害於對方的。「婚外情」的毀滅性力量不容輕忽。
「自從造天地以來，神的永能和神性是明明可知的，雖是眼不能見，但藉著受造之物，就可以曉得，叫人無可推諉」。（羅馬書第一章20節）
以弗所書第五章1節：「所以你們該效法神，好像蒙慈愛的兒女一樣。」
全文連結:
http://www.dacombook.com.tw/book/cancer/writer.htm
何師竹醫師對婚姻的看法:
從生物學家的觀點，兩性的結合是為繁衍下一代。但我認為上帝造人很奇妙，充滿恩典。一對幸福的夫妻必須身、心、靈三方面都能完全契合。婚姻制度保護了彼此相屬的關係，不容外人介入。 中國儒家孔子說：「食、色，性也」，實在沒有錯。上帝讓我們享有美味的食物、眼目觀看美景，耳聽各種美妙的聲音，也能享受性生活。但惟有在婚姻關係中、夫妻同心相屬、完全沒有第三者的介入，才能彼此毫無掛慮的、全心為對方付出與享有對方。在舊約聖經故事中，凡是有二個以上妻室的男子家中永遠沒有安寧融洽，甚至子女相爭為敵。中國傳統社會中，表面上家主駕馭了三妻四妾，事實上閨闈間暗潮洶湧，父母與子女的關係也被扭曲。因為人們違反造物主的命令與美意：「二人成為一體，從此不再是兩個人了」，因而喪失了上帝所賜的夫妻間共同承擔與分享人生的幸福。 在現代社會中雖不再有三妻四妾，但事實上，兩性「性道德」的雙重標準便是這種封建遺毒的結果。如果人們不能體會婚姻關係的神聖，婚前墮胎、始亂終棄．．．諸事層出不窮。婚後亦不能忠於配偶，子女又如何能在溫馨祥和、充滿信任感與安全感的環境中長大？又如何能相信婚姻是神聖的？我最喜歡聽基督徒的婚禮中，牧師要求新郎、新娘彼此誓約：不管健康、疾病，富有、貧窮，平安、災禍，都要愛對方、保護對方，直到生命的末了．．．。我深信兩性的結合是神聖的，真正美滿的婚姻是二人終身同心相屬。 女性主義者所宣揚的「情慾自主」，如果在夫妻之間，便是自發性的、心甘情願的、取悅與享有對方。如果不在婚姻的關係裡，且不論造成人倫關係的混亂、性病的蔓延（不僅是梅毒、淋病、尖狀溼疣及人人聞之色變的愛滋病等，連子宮頸癌也是性交感染導致的疾病），有「性」無「愛」的身體結合，卻無心靈的契合，可能圓滿無憾嗎？已婚或未婚者的「婚外情」一定會造成彼此的傷害，而真正的愛是不加害於對方的。「婚外情」的毀滅性力量不容輕忽。
2007年8月15日 星期三
媽媽的臉像太陽餅!?
昨天晚上跟Joanna聊天, 聊到真正的美麗, 女兒老實不客氣的說媽媽長得實在很不怎麼樣, 人家可以靠臉蛋吃飯, 媽媽得靠腦袋吃飯。
我說:"那妳怎麼辦?妳是我生的喔!"
Joanna趕緊撇清: "我長得是像我爸呀!"
做媽的立刻加以辯駁: "Pearce就說我長得美麗, 我也覺得自己不錯也."
這時候立刻加以機會教育一番, 告訴女兒真正的美麗包含外表、身體的層面的好看、靈性上的美，以及心智和情感層面的美，還有健康。
女兒似乎頗不以為然:＂婉玲這樣才算美麗, 身材和身高都好看，她的臉像漫畫人物.明明年紀和媽媽差不多...＂
接著補上一句:＂媽媽的臉像太陽餅一樣...圓圓的＂
媽媽心目中真正的美麗是可以經過時間考驗的, ...是像林媽利醫師那樣的女人: http://life.nyc.gov.tw/kaleidoscope/kaleidoscope.asp?catid=103&id=103&pd=3
我說:"那妳怎麼辦?妳是我生的喔!"
Joanna趕緊撇清: "我長得是像我爸呀!"
做媽的立刻加以辯駁: "Pearce就說我長得美麗, 我也覺得自己不錯也."
這時候立刻加以機會教育一番, 告訴女兒真正的美麗包含外表、身體的層面的好看、靈性上的美，以及心智和情感層面的美，還有健康。
女兒似乎頗不以為然:＂婉玲這樣才算美麗, 身材和身高都好看，她的臉像漫畫人物.明明年紀和媽媽差不多...＂
接著補上一句:＂媽媽的臉像太陽餅一樣...圓圓的＂
媽媽心目中真正的美麗是可以經過時間考驗的, ...是像林媽利醫師那樣的女人: http://life.nyc.gov.tw/kaleidoscope/kaleidoscope.asp?catid=103&id=103&pd=3
2007年8月12日 星期日
2007年8月9日 星期四
哪個媽媽不抓狂
這兩天看完柯志恩寫的書「哪個媽媽不抓狂」, 很認同他說的: 「選擇孩子就是選擇混亂、煩雜、爭吵和真理，他們會用很多方法讓妳明白，妳很難做好母親這個角色，他們也讓妳理解，妳絕不是想像中的那種優雅、能幹、敏銳的高度進化的人類。」
http://www.books.com.tw/exep/prod/booksfile.php?item=0010349859
可是我們依然愛孩子!
Joanna去看她爸爸兩天.
昨Tina 來家裡玩, 有人可以說說話真好.
家裡的姐妹們夠多了, 和自己生日只差一天的Tina, 我們邏輯很像...
Tina的職業是財務長, 對她的單身生活怡然自得, 有許多社交活動,也很能享受獨處的樂趣,她會徹底拒絕自己不喜歡的對象. 我也會!
Tina重視自己的獨立和自由比較多.
然而32歲的我希望40歲的時候有一個親愛的丈夫 , 兩三個可愛的孩子.
再投合的人也有許多的不同點.
http://www.books.com.tw/exep/prod/booksfile.php?item=0010349859
可是我們依然愛孩子!
Joanna去看她爸爸兩天.
昨Tina 來家裡玩, 有人可以說說話真好.
家裡的姐妹們夠多了, 和自己生日只差一天的Tina, 我們邏輯很像...
Tina的職業是財務長, 對她的單身生活怡然自得, 有許多社交活動,也很能享受獨處的樂趣,她會徹底拒絕自己不喜歡的對象. 我也會!
Tina重視自己的獨立和自由比較多.
然而32歲的我希望40歲的時候有一個親愛的丈夫 , 兩三個可愛的孩子.
再投合的人也有許多的不同點.
2007年8月6日 星期一
there is something greater than love
Thresholds of Love
In 1921 John Haslem Clark of Manti, Utah, wrote what became his last journal entry:
“The folks have been here today, but have gone to their homes. The clatter of racing feet, the laughter and babble of tongues have ceased. We are alone, We two. We two whom destiny has made one. Long ago, it has been sixty years since we met under the June trees. I kissed you first. How shy and afraid was your girlhood. Not any woman on earth or in heaven could be to me what you are. I would rather you were here, woman, with your gray hair, than any fresh blossom of youth. Where you are is home. Where you are not is homesickness. As I look at you I realize that there is something greater than love, although love is the greatest thing in earth. It is loyalty. For were I driven away in shame you would follow. If I were burning in fever your cool hand would soothe me. With your hand in mine may I pass and take my place among the saved of Heaven. Being eight years the eldest—and as the years went by and I felt that the time of parting might be near—it was often the drift of our thought and speech: how could either of us be left alone. Alone, after living together for 56 years. I scarcely dared think of it and though a bit selfish comforted myself thinking [that] according to our age I would not be the one left alone.”
Another handwriting then appears later on the same page. It is Therissa’s voice, gently closing John’s journal:
“Almost two years and a half since the last writing, and its following events are so sad, so heartbreaking for this, his life’s companion that this pen has been laid down many times ere this record is made. Loss and loneliness [are] ever present and will be with me to the end. … Will time soften this sadness, will I be able to leave the Old Home and not feel that he is waiting for me, calling me? I am only content at home where I feel that he is watching over me, his presence always with me.
“On March 11, 1923, John Haslem Clark passed away after an illness of only one week. He seemed so like himself, talking and active. We had no thought that the end was near until he passed into unconsciousness a few hours before his death. Oh, may we all be as clean and pure, ready to go before our Maker.”
We do not know the details of John and Therissa’s life as they crossed over the thresholds of their days. But we do know how 56 years of daily conversations finally shaped the kind of people they became, the kind of love they knew.
If our young couple could only know that this love is what they could feel and understand at the end of their lives, what wouldn’t they give! They’d listen more and choose better, over and over, day after day, crossing after crossing. They would learn, by patient experience, that “work is love made visible.”They would realize as the years pass that their marriage is helping them become better disciples of Jesus Christ, even becoming a little more like Him. Then they would understand as they cross the final threshold of mortality that the extent to which they have become one with Him is the extent to which they are one with each other.
Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners
Ensign, Aug 2007, 24–29
by Bruce C. Hafen
In 1921 John Haslem Clark of Manti, Utah, wrote what became his last journal entry:
“The folks have been here today, but have gone to their homes. The clatter of racing feet, the laughter and babble of tongues have ceased. We are alone, We two. We two whom destiny has made one. Long ago, it has been sixty years since we met under the June trees. I kissed you first. How shy and afraid was your girlhood. Not any woman on earth or in heaven could be to me what you are. I would rather you were here, woman, with your gray hair, than any fresh blossom of youth. Where you are is home. Where you are not is homesickness. As I look at you I realize that there is something greater than love, although love is the greatest thing in earth. It is loyalty. For were I driven away in shame you would follow. If I were burning in fever your cool hand would soothe me. With your hand in mine may I pass and take my place among the saved of Heaven. Being eight years the eldest—and as the years went by and I felt that the time of parting might be near—it was often the drift of our thought and speech: how could either of us be left alone. Alone, after living together for 56 years. I scarcely dared think of it and though a bit selfish comforted myself thinking [that] according to our age I would not be the one left alone.”
Another handwriting then appears later on the same page. It is Therissa’s voice, gently closing John’s journal:
“Almost two years and a half since the last writing, and its following events are so sad, so heartbreaking for this, his life’s companion that this pen has been laid down many times ere this record is made. Loss and loneliness [are] ever present and will be with me to the end. … Will time soften this sadness, will I be able to leave the Old Home and not feel that he is waiting for me, calling me? I am only content at home where I feel that he is watching over me, his presence always with me.
“On March 11, 1923, John Haslem Clark passed away after an illness of only one week. He seemed so like himself, talking and active. We had no thought that the end was near until he passed into unconsciousness a few hours before his death. Oh, may we all be as clean and pure, ready to go before our Maker.”
We do not know the details of John and Therissa’s life as they crossed over the thresholds of their days. But we do know how 56 years of daily conversations finally shaped the kind of people they became, the kind of love they knew.
If our young couple could only know that this love is what they could feel and understand at the end of their lives, what wouldn’t they give! They’d listen more and choose better, over and over, day after day, crossing after crossing. They would learn, by patient experience, that “work is love made visible.”They would realize as the years pass that their marriage is helping them become better disciples of Jesus Christ, even becoming a little more like Him. Then they would understand as they cross the final threshold of mortality that the extent to which they have become one with Him is the extent to which they are one with each other.
Crossing Thresholds and Becoming Equal Partners
Ensign, Aug 2007, 24–29
by Bruce C. Hafen
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