"Essential Qualities for Marriage"

By Tamara Eaton

"Essential Qualities for Marriage"

1. A personal total commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ.

Total commitment to Christ means not holding any area of your life back for your own, but giving it all up to Jesus. Are you spending time in His Word, applying it to your life, and do you seek His face daily?

2. An appreciation and acceptance of one's own unique gifts and calling from the Lord.

Self-acceptance doesn't mean selfishness, but rather understanding that God has created you for a special purpose and loves you with an everlasting love.

* He has a unique plan and ministry for you that only you can fulfill. (Psalm 139; Ephesians 1:18, 2:10)

* Accept the gifts He's given you and avoid comparing yourself with others.

* Offer yourself continually up to God and He will continue His work in you and conform you to the image of His Son (Romans 8:28)!

* Be more concerned about being adorned with the Fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22f) rather than your physical appearance.

* Let God's perspective become your perspective!

3. A humble and forgiving spirit

Pride and unforgiveness can cause bitterness, distrust, and resentment to build and destroy relationships and marriages. It can also cause deep depression. The cure? Forgiving others as Jesus forgave us, even while we were yet in our sins. (Mark. 11:24-26, Matt. 6:14-15, Luke 6:37, Matt. 6:12, Luke 23:34, Col. 3:13, Eph. 4:32). And when the enemy tries to bring those unforgiving thoughts up again, we must remind him that we've already forgiven and are free thanks to our Lord Jesus!

" Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you." --Eph.4:31-32

"Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord:looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled" --Heb.12:14-15

"Only by pride cometh contention..." --Prov. 13:10

"He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife..." --Prov.28:25

"... be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble." --1 Pet.5:5

4. Purity

Purity is a beautiful gift to offer your future spouse. Confess any sins of impurity and allow the Lord to help you "walk in the spirit, and you shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh." (Galatians 5:16) As He lives in you, He will bring to your mind any thoughts, words or actions that are impure. By filling your mind with God's Word (Romans 12:2; Psalm 119:11), you can defeat the enemy who would seek to distract you and rob you of purity before the Lord and before your future mate.

5. Awareness of Purpose

Without specific goals and purpose in life, one is reduced to floundering along life's roads with no sense of direction. Christians are given not only a road map --God's Word --but also the means by which we can discern God's Will for our lives --His Holy Spirit!

The Lord has a unique purpose and ministry for each one to fulfill and it's important to seek Him for wisdom and direction. Having goals and a sense of purpose is not only energizing but gives meaning to life, and allows one to set priorities in planning and working for the future.

The first and foremost goal for all Christians is to glorify God. One's job or career should not be an end in itself but only the means by which one fulfills part of God's plans and purposes for his life. Neither should the pursuit of leisure or pleasure be the ultimate goal --working in order to make enough to spend on fun weekends and buy more "toys" is not a worthy goal! Even working with the sole goal of financial security falls way short of God's plan --He wants each one to be focused on HIM alone for the ultimate security!

Examine your priorities in light of God's Word and what is of eternal value --don't squander time, energy and resources on things of no enduring value. How much wasted time and stress could be avoided each day by taking time to seek the Lord first and asking Him for wisdom and help in establishing priorities and godly goals!

Jesus saw many needs when He was performing His earthly ministry but even He didn't met them all--instead He did the work that His Father had given Him. That's all anyone can do--seek the Lord for His will and do it, not becoming side-tracked, even by seemingly worthwhile things. These side issues can drain us or keep us so occupied that we aren't able to accomplish what God has called us to do in the first place.

Remember: "There is always enough time to do the will of God."

6. Financial responsibility

Supporting a household is a huge responsibility, especially when you're young and just starting out. There are many expenses that come up unexpectedly and it's wise to have a cushion of savings to fall back upon if necessary (and it almost goes without saying --it will be necessary!). If a young couple starts out with both working outside the home, it's easy to grow accustomed to having two incomes, which causes huge challenges when the children begin to come along. It's best to learn to get along on one income to avoid these problems!

Don't let a "worldly" philosophy be your guide --God has much to say in His Word about finances and managing your money. Don't go into debt. Pray before purchasing. Ask the Lord to make you a good manager of the money He's provided. Look to the Lord to provide all your needs and make sure you're meeting all the conditions of being responsible with what He has already provided. If this has been a weak area, take time to read good books on managing your money and learn to plan and budget. It is much easier to learn this as a single person before you are responsible for providing for another person, too!

Above all else --dedicate all your money, possessions, time and future to God and allow Him to give you wisdom and direction! He doesn't want you to be bogged down with worry about material things, He promises to provide all your needs if you seek Him first. (Matthew 6:33)

7. Respect for authority and divine order

A couple prepared for marriage must have a proper respect for authority and divine order in the home. The Lord is the head, the husband leads the home under submission to God, loving his wife sacrificially just as Christ loved the Church, and the wife is in loving submission to the husband. God has given Christian husbands and wives to each other to function as a team, in mutual respect and honor, totally sold out and committed to Him, each contributing special gifts and wisdom as they're yielding themselves to Him, and thereby working efficiently and effectively to further not only His will in their lives, but in the kingdom of God!

Examine yourself and your future spouse --how many of these qualities are now present? How many are lacking and need further development? Before marriage the problem areas need to be strengthened and any weaknesses overcome. The Lord doesn't leave you on your own to struggle with this, He promises to equip and strengthen you as you trust and abide in Him. (John 15)

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